newcomer

Hi everyone,  I am a newcomer here, though my problem with alcohol began about 3 years ago. I had RNY in 2000 and began to become very deficient in vitamins about 2- 3 yrs out.  B-12, vitamin D and the usual. I was very diligent about eating right and never drank for at least 3-4  years out. I had abstained from alcohol for at least 10 years prior to surgery and never even gave a second thought. I had been a drinker in my 20's but nothing like now. On my birthday a few years back I was introduced to Cosmo's and fell in love. I remember thinking "this could be my answer to fun, relaxation, and escape" I began drinking and getting drunk about once a week back then. Things have escalated in the past two years and now I drink about 4-5 days a week. I am sick most of the time with hangovers but this does not stop me. I went to rehab 1.5 years ago and was sober for a while, but grieved for my loss of what had become my best friend. Soon I was drinking again and now I can't seem to stop but read about alcoholism all the time, books, on the web, etc.  I tried some alternative treatments as well that gave me only temporary relief. I grew up in a family of addicts and hated it. Swore I would not be like them. Now here I am in the same frigging place as the people I judged. I have made some changes to my patterns, no hard liquor, no beer, just wine but I drink about 2 bottles at a time. I feel polluted and crazy and stupid. I don't know who I am anymore or how I got here. I tried AA and I don't care for it. However I am willing to suck it up and try again. I am attending a Women for Sobriety meeting tonight and hope I will find support there. Any comments or help would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.

You cannot have reservations in a recovery program.You have to accept that you have no power over alcohol.You have to reach out to something greater than you to get healthy.The only patter you should follow is one where alcohol does not exist.  From what you said about your family, there is probably resentment buried deep down in you that needs to be let go.You have to learn how.Or the hole in your heart will always look to be filled by substance.

Most people who come to AA don't care for it in the beginning.  It is challenging to admit one is an alcoholic, at least it is for me.  I also don't like sitting in a room full of strangers talking about something I like to do alone.   The only thing is, there is no place in the world where I can get the support and encouragement I need to stop drinking.   One thing about AA that is true.  If you do not pick up a drink, you cannot get drunk.  Total abstinence guarantees you won't get drunk again.  One day at a time, you can stop drinking altogether.   Good luck. Trish

It took me a long time to admit I was an alcoholic.  I still go to meetings (I only go to women's meetings because I feel most comfortable there right now) and just listen - I haven't given any input yet.  It's the only place where they understand what I go through trying not to drink.  Good luck and let us know how you do.

I have no problem at all admitting I am alcoholic. The genetic odds for me are off the charts and this is why I fought to stay away from it for so long, 12 years. I am saying that the RNY surgery and alcohol related issues go much deeper than transfer of addiction. I really think that it has to do with lack of vitamin and mineral absorption as well as emotional stuff we deal with after losing so much weight. I think that Dr.'s need to start to look at these issues and insist that patients take high doses of vitamins, especially the B's and protein shakes ( and not that Carnation ****) in order to avoid this painful road to alcoholism that tends to attack us after surgery. I agree that I need group support to help me as well, I wish there was AA/Gastric bypass group but I think many of us are afraid to come forward because it as a stigma attached to the disease. And because we have found something that easily releases endorphines without exesice and other healthy ways to feel good. I also use alcohol to supress feelings and anger that I am afraid to let out.  Thank you for all of your comments. Very helpful. Here is an article to consider, you may have read before. http://healthinfo.cedars-sinai.edu/healthnews/healthday/0703 12HD602637.htm