Need to get sober but scared sh#tless

Hi everyone! I'm in serious need of help.  I've been drinking so much alcohol over the past 10 months I'm afraid I'm killing myself.  I feel like **** all the time.  The crazy thing is even though I know I'll pay for it the next day I get angry and frustrated without alcohol.  It's gotten so bad that both my boyfriend and I got DUI's November 17.  I had been out drinking with friends and was pulled over and failed the field sobriety test.  Then I blew an unbelievable .244.  I called my boyfriend for a ride home.  (major mistake!!!!!)  He ended up getting a DUI too.  Talk about unmanageable!  We are seriously f*cked.  The worst part is we could have hurt or killed another person.  I'm praying for sobriety and went for an evaluation for an intensive outpatient alcohol addiction program.  In addition, I'll be going to at least 2 AA meetings/week.  In spite of all of this all I can think of is "God I need a drink"  Pretty messed up.  I'm open for any comments, criticisms, flaming whatever. Thanks for listening! Jen

Hi Jen..  Welcome to the board.. I've been where you are and know where you are coming from.  I myself got a DUI about 2.5 years ago.  It was my first and I blew a .250.. with it being twice the legal limit I got house arrest.. and the blowie thing on my vehicle.  Not to mention the high costs.. embarrassment.. and fear of getting another one.  I remember sitting in drunk class.. and them saying the statistics of us getting a 2nd one and all I could think of was... "how the hell am I gonna keep drinking and NOT get another DUI".. I was scared ****less..  soooo.. I started drinking at home.. I was pretty much locked up in my own home when I wanted to drink.  It got pretty miserable for me.  Two hours of drinking and I would be blacked out.. and two more hours and passed out.  Sometimes on a toilet.. bed.. floor of toilet.. LOL.. trust me it's funny now.. looking back.  But not at the time..   I am in AA.. and it works for me.  I've not had a drink since 11-17-06.  I love my life now.. no fear of DUI'S or killing someone while driving drunk.. or not being able to go to the hospital if family were to need me.. and I feel pretty good most mornings.. some still suck.. but I think it's just old age. LOL>>   So glad that you are getting into a program.. and so glad that you posted to us.  Please stick around.. there are many here who will be telling you their story.  We are a great support to each other.. they have helped me tremendously.  Never no flaming here.. (((hugsss Jen)))) Rhonda

Hi Rhonda! Thanks so very much!  It means so much to have support without judgement!  Congratulations on your sobriety!  I know it's a very difficult and courageous decision to make. 

Hugs,

Jen

For me not to drink it has taken daily treatment. I am in a day treatment program with Kaiser Mon thru Sat from 9-3 ( I took a leave of absence from my job) and with that program I am also required to attend 1 AA meeting daily. I think the hardest part is to admit that I am an alcoholic. Even though I know I am, I still try to convince myself that I am not. It is very hard but I have now been sober for 25 days. I tried to quit by myself and I could not do it, this addiction is very powerful. If you are unable to attend a daily treatment program, try to go to AA meetings daily.

Hi Sarah! Thank you so much for your response!  I went for an evaluation for extensive outpatient therapy which should start over the next couple of weeks.  I know what you mean about admitting you're an alcoholic!..  I'm so scared at the idea of a life without any alcohol in it!  I mean first food and now alcohol.  What next I wonder?  I congratulate you on your sobriety!  You are very strong! Hugs, Jen

It is sad that many of us have underlying issues.I wanted my life to change so bad, that I never got help for addiction transfer.Usually, when food is no longer available to us for comfort, we move on to something else.I did, and now I am in recovery and very happy with life.What I had to realize is that no matter how much I tried to stuff my problem, it always surfaced again, but with more added to it, as you have.Please seek out the help of your peers here, and get involved with finding peace within yourself through therapy.If you need a friend, contact me.We all understand.