how to get through it

I dont know what i am looking for.  Maybe just a few people that understand.  I think maybe I have a drinking problem and right now I am not sure I want to stop.  I am having marriage problems and he claims its from my drinking although he doesnt see where or how he contributes to it.  I am tired of being lonely and alone.  We don't talk, dont even remember when is the last time we had sex.  I have friends that see it.  I am just starting to see it myself. Had an epihany today.  Think we need to separate.  Want to wait till after the holidays for the kids.  My story: had my distal rny 4 yrs ago.  Lost 160 lbs.  Started off at 350 and am now at about 185.  He had rny also about 6 months after me. He lost about 100 lbs - he has had a regain of about 50-60 of that.  I think part of it is that I am no longer attracted to him I hate to say that.  I want him to be healthy and happy with himself.  I deserve to be loved and so does he.  Drinking makes me feel happy for at least a little while.  I am lost.  I dont want to loose my marriage but right now I think there is no other way. I have a friend that is ready to leave her husband (for other reasons) and I think we are going to get an apt together.  They dont tell you that with this surgery comes other problems.  I just need to know that there are others out there.  I guess I just need to know I am not alone.  It is hard for me to talk to people in person and to reach out for help, I guess that is the reason I never had/got a sponsor.  Ok I am done, thanks in advance for your help,  Oh and I would post a pic if I knew how  :-) Joy

I can't write a lot right now.  I just want to let you know I truly empathize.  I will share more about my marriage/divorce and recovery tonight on my home computer.  Not enough time at work to really reply. Be safe and try to journal about why you drink. Hugs, Trish

Poohbear, my heart goes out to you. I don't know if you have a problem with alcohol or not but I know that i do. I can only tell you that sobriety has brought me a wonderful peace of mind that i once thought alcohol could only give me. Once I got sober (6/13/03) my life got more wonderful every day since. I was single when I got sober but soon found the love of my life. I was married through 12 years of alcohol and meth addiction and during this time I made all the wrong choices. My reaction to my marital problems were all the wrong ones. I thought my actions really made sense at the time. Now I look back and wonder what was I thinking. However through the wonderful program of A.A. I learned how to handel situations that used to baffel me. Today my life is wonderful and I don't react negativle to lifes little problems. My current wife does not have to deal with the same person that made my ex's life miserable. I hope your situation works out for you. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS..

Hi Joy, My marriage was a disaster due to my inability to control my emotions.  Part of my problem was that I am an addict.  I am addicted to everything that takes me out of feeling my feelings, especially if they are negative emotions.  My first addiction was food.  Then I discovered alcohol, drugs and guys in high school.  I did not really begin to gain weight until I was married and stopped drinking because my husband did not approve.  Without my alcohol, I gained weight and behaved truly poorly in my relationship with him.   When we got married, I weighed 135.  My highest weight was 319. I would sneak drinks when my husband was on night duty at work, or away on business trips.  Eventually, I entered therapy and began my recovery journey, trying to battle the food and alcohol simultaneously.  I got sober for over 8 years, but the weight and insanity of addiction continued.  AA helped me get sober.  OA taught me coping skills.  Therapy helped me unravel my low self-esteem and childhood traumas that contributed to my addictive behaviors.   Bottom line is recovery is a process.  It does not happen overnight.  Developing a support network and coping skills is the key to my recovery.  My support network includes my AA meeting, my church family, my immediate family, and extended relatives.  I also count on this message board, and other similar boards.  My coping skills include prayer, deep breathing, journaling, exercise, Bible reading, and talking to people in my network. I hope this helps. Hugs, Trish