WHY..

should I feel quilty.. or should my sponsor make me feel quilty.. if I don't go to the meeting she always goes to on Monday evenings, but go to a different AA meeting instead. since I asked her to be my sponsor.. I have went every monday and wednesday to the meeting she goes to.. I had never went to them before.. but had gone to others.  I like the 5:30 AA.. it's a Big Book reading meeting.  She only goes to Leads.. and tonites is at a rehab place at 7.  I called and told her.. but she didn't assure me that it's okay if I go to the other place (non-rehab) but same building that she and I go to on wednesday nites.. but at 8 (a lead).. so I felt quilty... and she told me the reason it's good for me to go to this on Monday nite is rehab.. to see I can always go back to where I was..  But.. I do enjoy the non-lead meetings too.. the reading of the big book and discussion and chance to talk or hear others talk.. and not just to hear a lead.  She had told me once that she only goes to leads..   I didn't tell her this.. instead I just hung up feeling guilty like I dissappointed her.. and she knew that cuz I had told her.   ummmm.. not sure..  do I go to 5:30 right after work.. cuz it's convenient time wise.. not driving in the dark as much.. and do big book reading.. and disappoint sponsor..  or go to Goodwill after work to kill and hour.. then to 7:00 meeting.. and listen to a lead and drive home in the dark.. and not  disappoint  sponsor...  how far out of sponsorship.. do I get to go to ones I like or convenient for me.. and not feel quilty..??

I rarely go to speaker meetings.  I like the literature meetings.  I am a believer that variety is what keeps me from getting bored.  You should not feel guilty for not going to all the meetings your sponsor wants to you to attend.  You might want to commit to one meeting a week with your sponsor and then choose all the others you like.  Balance is the key to my recovery. Set your boundary and then go from there.  If she has a problem with that, it may be time to find a new sponsor.   Hugs, Trish

Thanks Trish.. I really struggled with this.  I kept thinking.. Rhonda you are just thinking of yourself.. wanting to make it about ME..  but then thought.. maybe GOD wants me to go to this meeting for some reason.. that's why I'm struggling.. then I said.. you are just using GOD so you get what YOU want.. LOL.. I am surely crazy!!!!!

Well.. I debated and thought I will go to her meeting and tell her that in future I would like to make others if I choose and if that's a problem.. well... 

but I left work and said hell on it.. and I went to the 5:30 meeting.  A guy chose Chapter 5 How it works.. and I really needed to hear that.  I've not read it.. and yet my sponsor wants me to do step 4.. so I thought it great I heard it.  And.. I loved listening to how others are dealing with this.. and struggling in their day.. and how they overcum it.  I actually was wondering if I was starting to harbor a resentment for my sponsor for making me feel guilty and not allowing me to follow a AA program that works for ME!!  But then I thought.. maybe this is part of the sponsorship.. I hear of some that seem harsher than mine.  And to be honest.. sometimes I just don't get why they seem to be harsh.. call me everyday.. at this time.. don't be late.. etc..  I want to ENJOY my journey.. I don't want it to be like the GYM that I hate and eventually stop going.  But then I wonder.. okay.. you are only thinking of yourself.  But it is MY life.. I should be happy in my sobriety too..  *shrug*.. see my confusion.  I need to say the Serenity Prayer... I guess I went to where I was suppose to be..  and I will be happy I did and go from there. Hugsss, Rhonda

Hi Rhonda, Some sponsors are control freaks and they use sponsorship to exercise control over their sponsees.  I had one sponsor drop me if I went on antidepressants prescribed by a psychiatrist.  She told me that all I need is the 12 steps.   I am of the opinion that the program of recovery is the 12 steps.  I go to meetings to share recovery with other alcoholics, doing the 12th step by being there and sharing.  I also go to learn how others work the steps, as you experienced at your meeting.   Sponsors are not supposed to dictate recovery rules to you.  If they do, they are not really letting your work your program.  My best sponsor was the one I had when I first came back 6 years ago.  I called her a few times a week, more when I was jammed up with my son's drug problem.  I saw her once a week at a meeting.  We both had lives to live.  She helped me when I did another 5th step.  When her life got crazy with her daughter getting pregnant, she had to stop being my sponsor.  I still see her at meetings from time to time.   You should take some time to reflect on what you need for your recovery.  What I needed when I first came in was  1. Accountability 2. Consistency 3. Discipline 4. Balance I got the accountability in contacting my sponsor and reporting my meeting attendance and my stepwork.  I got the consistency in attending certain meetings on a weekly basis.  I got the discipline in not drinking, and in learning to self-soothe, by making phone calls and prayer and meditation.  I got balance in finding social outlets that did not include AA people, like my knitting nights and church activities.   I hope this makes sense. Hugs, Trish

I prefer open and closed discussion meetings to be honest.  It gives me the opportunity to really see where others are at and that they are not so different from me.  It gives me the opportunity to hear suggestions to some problems I myself might have.  It gives me the opportunity to share what is on my mind as well. I hit one speaker meeting a week and try to do a BB study every other week or so, but all in all I prefer the discussion meetings - I leave feeling as though I've gotten much more of what I need at those. My sponsor says "take what you need and leave the rest".  It's YOUR journey.   Guilt is a feeling that should be reserved for when we do something we know is wrong.  I think you are feeling discomfort and not wanting to disappoint your sponsor.  Do YOU beautiful lady and you'll be just fine! Love and light, Michelle