Acted out and working on taking care of it...

I have a wonderful, loving husband.  Like many, of us, I also had a neglected upbringing and never felt wanted or loved. I know I overate because food gave me the hug my mother couldn't/didn't/wouldn't. I never felt loved, and to this day, still don't even though my husband showers me iwth it. Why having the best isn't enough is beyond me. I started having what you can call an affair in the form of a kinky relationship with a man my cousin introduced me to. He became my latest addiction.  I'm really tired of the kinkster thing, and have realized after a long, introspective period that I used it to fill the void from my childhood too. Now I can't overeat...WON"T drink...won't use drugs and don't want to abuse men even if they ARE willing anymore. Once I figure out WHY I do what I do, I can quit the bad behavior. So far, I've given up smoking, drinking, overeating, extra marital rendezvous, shopping and baking. I've let the last man go permanently, removed his on and offline contact information, and will be telling the one in the wings I'm no longer interested.  Now my shrink tells me we'll be getting into my childhood deep...so I'm saying guh-bye to another 'addiction' and looking forward to learning more about me and hving a much greater appreciation for my husband. He really does rock!

Thanks for sharing Marie.. I wish you happiness.. and love.  You are loved by so many.. you just need to love yourself more

Thanks Rhonda...THAT has been the hardest thing for me yet! But I gotta start somewhere, right? :) Marie

Marie,

You and I are very much alike. I was as insane with the kink/sex as I was with alcohol.

I, too, have such an incredibly wonderful husband now that I cannot even believe it. I did my best to sabatoge the relationship when it was new. He is in recovery also and suggested we take the relationship one day at a time and turn in over to God. WOW...what a difference it makes when I let God be in control and not me! We've been together 4 years now and are blessed with so much love, compassion and understanding.

As of this moment, I have been relieved of all my obsessions and compulsions. I still have my crazy/stinking thinking sometimes but by staying close to my program and to God, I don't partake or act out anymore.

It's been a long, hard, wild ride but believe it or not, I wouldn't change a thing since it all got me to where I am today.

Thank you for your courage to share which it turn, gave me the courage. You are also on a remarkable journey and its clear you are becoming better and better. Keep it up!

Karen

 

Thank you Karen!  I know I can be addicted to ANYTHING, it's just my personality.  I hope one day my obsessions and impulses will be under control as yours are!  I'm relearning it's one thing to admit your addictions...and quite another to resist the impulse to dive into them. I stopped drinking 21 yrs ago and rarely went to meetings. I got a copy of the big book and did it on my own. I've been to a few meetings, both in AA and one in NA, and only felt comfy at one of them. I am just not into the meetings so much, but I believe in the program. It and the hard work I applied years ago gave me my life back. It's just a bit of a shock that I was blindsided by some of the other less threatening addictions.  If I work it the same way, it'll work for me again. Thanks so much for your reply! It means a lot! Marie

Marie, Back in my first sobriety, I did not feel comfortable in any meetings.  That is probably the reason I stopped attending them altogether.  When I came back into the program, I changed the meetings I attended.  I am so fortunate that there are tons of meetings every day and night near me.  Also, at all hours of the day and night.  I shopped around until I found the meetings I am most comfortable in.   As for the multiple addictions, I guess that is where step 12 comes in: "... practice these principles in ALL our affairs."  Also, step 6: "Became entirely ready to have God remove ALL these defects of character."  I am learning, slowly, that becoming ready is a process, and does not happen overnight.  I have also learned that I just have to be willing for God to do what He is going to do.  Then, in step 7, I ask Him to remove my shortcomings.  When and how that looks is totally up to Him, and my willingness to let Him again. I hope this dribble makes sense.  Not that I am an expert.  If I were, I would not be the squirrely screwball I am today.  But then, in Chapter 5 of the Big Book it does say, "Progress, not perfection."  Hugs, Trish

Progress not perfection....I first heard that in my weightlifting days... :) Still hard to do for me. I'm very hard on myself and I've no clue why.  Thanks Trish...your words always make sense and I truly value your input! Marie

Hi Marie, You are so blessed in that your husband is so loving and supportive of you.  Mine was less than undermining when I first started recovery.  Toward the end of my marriage, he was just there.   I hope and pray that I find someone like your husband.  That would be a miracle and a gift from God. Stay grateful and keep digging into your childhood.  It helps so much in understanding your thinking, and patterns. Hugs, Trish

Thank you Trish. I'm getting to where I look forward to my shrink's appointments to see what else I can unlock. It's a kind of anticipation/dread  combo if you know what I mean!  Either way, I'm as ready for it as I'll ever be!!

Marie