I FINALLY Know Why I Got Fat , Then Drank.

I have been lurking on this message board for a long time, afraid to post.  But after seeing so many others suffering from this terrible disease of alcoholism, obsessive compulsive eating and so many other cross-addictions, I feel compelled to share what I have found was FINALLY the answer of freedom for me. I didn't realize I was so sick.  I knew something was really wrong with me but didn't know what.  I knew that I couldn't control my eating or the compulsions that drove me to 320 pounds before RNY.  I thought surgery was the answer...and it was...for a while.  I lost the weight, all right, but then I began to drink.  And drink.  Compulsively.  I could not stop.  I blacked out every night.  It was pure insanity.  How could I keep repeating the same behavior over and over, thinking I would get a different result the next time?  I finally admitted defeat and joined AA.  It saved my life.  But I still had the compulsions.  I knew I was spinning, looking for another way to avoid my feelings.  I shopped.  I got on the Internet and couldn't get off. Etc. Etc. Same old behavior; just a new diversion...how was I to stop? I finally realized that I HAD to figure out what feelings I was trying so hard to avoid feeling.  How was I going to do that?  I had a crappy childhood.  Big Deal.  Didn't everyone?  But I knew there was SOMETHING going on inside that I was trying to eat my way away from and then drink my way away from, etc., and if I didn't find out what it was and deal with it, it was going to just manifest itself in some other crazy, destructive way.  And then I found it!  A very wise sponsor gave me a set of questionaires from www.cyberrecovery.net website on Step Four that blew me away.  The first set dealt with Childhood.  Then Adolscense.  Then Adulthood.  They were the hardest questions I ever had to answer but I finally found out where the boogeyman was coming from and was able to face him head on and MOVE forward.  My doctor prescribed Topomax for me for the compulsiveness and anxiety and that really helped the wall fall down as I was faced with my real issues for the first time in my life.  I have included the link here in hopes of helping someone else.  http://www.cyberrecovery.net/4thStepInventoryGuide.html  After answering these questions handwritten on paper, you should go over them with someone that you trust.  You shoud answer these questions honestly and thoroughly to be effective.  I still cannot believe how they changed my life.  I hope they change yours. I am now seven months sober and am feeling so much better.  My life is so much better now than before and I haven't felt the need to take a drink.  I have the program of AA and my Higher Power to thank and this website. Serenity to you all, Karen

Hi Karen, Welcome and thanks.  I have done several 4th steps in my 18 years in AA.  I will check out that link for my next 4th step.   You have discovered what many people never learn, the power of working the steps.  I hope you continue to participate in AA, and I hope you will share your experience, strength and hope here. Hugs, Trish

thank YOU for that site.. how *ironic* that I'm currently looking into working the 4th Step.. or is that my Higher Power working in my life to show me the way... btw.. don't be scared to post.. people LIKE ME appreciate it!!