Thinkng out loud

I got news today that the deal on our house fell through.  The buyer could not get a mortgage commitment.  We cannot move to our new place on October 23 as planned.  I will not have money on October 24 as planned.  We have to start showing the house again.   When I got the news, I felt devastated, deflated, depressed.  And, of course, I wanted to eat.  But I can't eat.  I don't have money to blow on food other than groceries.  I could have spent the grocery money, but I didn't.  I think I should get points for that.  :-) I told some people and they say, "It'll all work out.  Don't worry."  I wanted to slap them.  This move means my freedom -- freedom from my 22 year abusive marriage and freedom from debt.   I progressed to feeling disappointed and frustrated. I know God's hand is on this, and it probably means He has something better for me, but I'm still allowed to be disappointed and frustrated!   I can't do anything about the house not selling.  I have to re-clean the house; make sure it stays that way for showings; get the kids back on board with that.  I called the apartment to see what my options are there.  I don't know if they'll hold the apartment.  And if they do, what happens if the house hasn't sold in another month?  What will happen to the $2500 I put down in deposits?  I borrowed that money and don't know if my friend will want it back right away, as she was expecting it on the 24th, or if she's okay with them holding it for another month.   I do not want to eat my feelings.  I don't want to deny them or stuff them down.  A xanax sounds good right about now, but I don't want to medicate just so I don't have to feel upset.  I have a right to feel upset.  I went through a lot to get me here, and now it's not going to happen the way I planned it.  I expected to move in a couple of weeks.  I expected to have my debts paid off and to be receiving child support and to pay off my car and to not have to struggle so much as a single mom.   These feelings SUCK, but at least I can allow myself to feel them rather than pushing them down!  And my poor kids.  They were so ready to move.  They were all looking forward to being at the new place.  And they were looking forward to getting a few new things and having a nice Christmas.  That could still happen, but it may not.  I have no idea how long it will take to sell the house.  I cannot control that.   Thanks for listening.

it sounds like ALOT on your plate.. *no pun intended* you have a right to feel anxious.. scared.. and all those feelings you are having, but you are correct about not eating/medicating those feelings away.  I don't think that will solve your problems.. I most certainly don't have your answers.. just can be here to listen and offer you some loving support.   As they say.. keep it simple.  And with as much as you have going on right now.. that sounds like a good idea.  I guess you can only act on the things you have control over.. so perhaps make a list of those things.  (ie.. talk to kids and explain what happened, clean house and keep it tidy, call apt manager and explain/ask questions,  call friend explain/ask questions, etc..) and let go of those things you have no control over.. like the time frame of your house selling..  christmas now.. etc.. After all, perhaps GOD'S plan is better than yours..   I know I procrastinate.. and start getting anxiety when I put stuff off too long.  When I start working a list.. or a plan, I feel much better.. like I actually see a light at the end of the tunnel.   Thanks for sharing.. you will be in my prayers

 

 

Jill, That really sucks, big time.  Your feelings are totally understandable.  Anger, disappointment, frustration, are all normal reactions to what happened.  Eating is an old way of dealing with it.  Try other ways to deal with your feelings.  I have tried, and found successful, prayer, meditation, deep breathing, phoning a friend, exercise, playing praise music, playing classical music, just to name a few.   I am here if you need to talk.  I will PM you with my phone number.  Call me if you ever need to talk.  I live right around the corner. Hugs, Trish

Jill, I'm really sorry your deal fell through. Being a real estate paralegal I know how frustrating this is when financing isnt' there unexpectedly.

You're right, you have no control over someone else's financing, or the date the house transfers ownership...but BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOUR GLASS HALF FULL!! :)  You're out of an abusive relationship, you're moving forward with your life for you and your children, you're keeping them safe, you're handling your stresses WITHOUT eating through them. I am so proud of you!! 

You get so much MORE than points!!!

Marie

(here's Don Pardo to tell you what you've won!!)