Sickening Behavior

I am sickened and repulsed by my behavior today.  I saw Frank this afternoon, and have absolutely no excuse for it.  While he was here, I began to question my sanity in seeing him.  I just know that I have never been repulsed and sickened so quickly before. 

 

 

I do not know what to do, or where to turn anymore.  I know that Dr. Barrett said I used to believe I would not get sober, and I wonder if I would ever be able to stop seeing Frank.  I am so sick and tired of vacillating between purity and immorality. 

 

 

I do know that I have not been taking one of my meds at the right level.  I hate that med, and hate having to take it.  It is the med that Dr. Chaefsky says helps me with my impulsivity and acting out.  I hate the way it knocks me out and I have trouble waking up.  I also hate that it is primarily used for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and I am not diagnosed with either of them, according to Dr. Barrett. 

 

 

I wish I had a shoulder to cry on right now.  I have made such a huge mess of my life, and I am alone, and lonely, and so very, very worn out from this stuff.  I wanted to call you, but I feared being scolded by you.  I feel like I am going to lose my mind right now.

 

 

I also broke my glasses tonight and the eyeglass place that would fix them was closed when I got there.  I am getting a headache from my old glasses.

 

 

I have to go.  My eyes are really having trouble seeing the

I hope that you're okay Trish...  I love YOU

Thanks Rhanda, I am okay.  I am just depressed and discouraged today.  Sorry to worry you. Hugs, Trish

{{{{Big Hug}}}}}

Hang in there. Try not to stray from what Dr. Chaefsky prescribes without talking with him first. These are medicines that have to be followed very carefully or you can get into a lot of trouble.

Take care and rest well,

Karen

Trish is there anything I can do for you hon? If you need me, I'm here for you! Marie

Hi Marie, Just pray for me.  I am better than I had been over the weekend.  I just wish someone could wave a magic wand and make my desire for relationshipless sex go away.  I have to get my act together and stop acting out that's all. Thanks for the offer.  I might PM you later.  I have your e-mail address. Hugs, Trish

For you it's sex...for me, it's shopping...I got clothes this weekend and today, just got more.  Ok so big deal if I spent 60 I got 20 off...its' still more than I can really afford. I'm here if you need to talk, email, whatever, sister!

Hugs,

Me