here we go again...

Why do I get so emotional at my g'damn meetings. I cried twice today....well 3 times now....
(fake names)
1) Bob, relapsed...I just saw him last week and he was doing fine...so i thought. his exact words..."I can't live without alcohol, and I can't live sober"

Jesus man...that's rough at 7 in the morning.

2) Mike, who I see every m-w-f, is leaving us for a couple of months to go to a half way house. He was so greatful for us, and got choked up, which in turn made me choke up. dudes...that sucks.

With that, I cross talked twice this morning and said.."Thanks for making me cry bob"(our group always cross talks and laughs and has a good time) then again said "Thanks for messin up my make up Mike, why'd you have to make me cry...AGAIN!" Everyone had a slight chuckle.

3) My sponsor Val, who I am still deathly afraid to call, but did stay after last night and started working some steps, who also hits my m-w-f group, said that's it Liz, give me your #, so i gave it to her this morning. She just called, and let me a tear jerking message on how she loves me and to call her and all nice things, blessing me....

*sigh*

Oh yeah, and I took my cake that mike got me, and they were all telling me how blessed I was to have a husband that supports me in such ways....which in turn made me cry again...hahaha...as they all raved over the cake and ate the majority of it. I love them.

Good lord, why is this so hard? With that, I'll pass.

I think it's hard because it makes it that much more wonderful when we get through it.

Tears are very healing and very common in recovery. Let 'em flow, girl! Don't stuff. Don't pretend. Just be you and don't apologize for it.

Another big step on the sponsor front. Good for you! Sounds like a good one. CALL HER!!

I'm really proud of you and am enjoying watching you grow!

Love, Karen

Good job karen....you nearly made me cry again for watching me grow.....

Nice new pic by the way....

Rejoice in the tears!  Your body is expressing emotion in the way it was designed to do so!  Hooray! I cried daily between 3 and six months i betcha.  Cried for joy, sadness, etc.  Cried over commercials on tv.  I was a nutjob. Hard or not - you are doing it.  Now keep doing it.. just for today. rinse, repeat. love you! Michelle

hhahahahahah rinse, repeat.

Thanks michelle.

In my first year of sobriety, the first time around, "Beaches" with Bette Midler came out and we rented the VHS Cassette.  I bawled my eyes out.  My husband thought I was out of my mind.  I cried my first year of this sobriety more than I could count. When I drank, I was numbing out my feelings, good, bad, happy, sad.  Without the alcohol, I have to feel those feelings and sometimes, that means tears are included, free of charge.  I would go to church and sing praise songs and just cry.  I never cried at church till this sobriety.   It's okay to cry, and it's okay to mess up your make-up.  You are feeling what life has to offer, the good and the bad.  What I have learned is that feelings don't kill us, but how we deal with those feelings can kill us, like a DUI accident, or the ulcer, heart attack, or high blood pressure that goes with stress.  Carry tissues and keep crying.  You are experiencing life, on life's terms.   Hugs, Trish

I can't cry because I am afraid that if I start, I won't be able to stop.  So I have become numb.  I never thought about this until tonight while reading all of your posts above.  You ladies help me think about my recovery more than you will ever know!  I am so glad that you are here on OH.  Good night - deb

Hi Deb, Please don't think I have mastered emotional sobriety, and I have it all together.  Right now, I struggle letting myself cry, for the very same reason as you.  In early sobriety, I was an emotional hemopheliac.   Unfortunately, right now, I am stuck, and frozen.  It has to do with fear of losing control of everything, not just the tears.  Like Wednesday night, I went ballistic and lost my temper.  I am terrified of that very same thing happening, and I don't want to lose control like I used to.   Balance is what we strive for, and I have yet to experience it.  I am like that damn pendulum, swinging from one extreme to the other, never finding a peaceful middle ground. I just have to believe that if I stay sober, I might achieve serenity someday.  I most certainly believe that if I drink again, I have no hope of ever having peace of mind again. Hugs, Trish

Trish....thank you so much for your post above, and for understanding where Im at.  deb

maybe.. cuz you're walking (or have walked) in there shoes.. real people.. real problems.. with a real solution love YOU Lizzie