Relationship..

is difficult and trying sometimes..  isn't everyones.. but also when new into it.. and new into sobriety..  It started not long after he got up.. he said.. "honey I'm not trying to pick a fight.." and we hug and kiss.. and I said.. "oh yes you are.. " I thought I was just being playful.. he "heard"  ((oh yes you are))..  and he asked why is it okay for me to litter the house with sunflower seeds that need thrown away.. but if he had done that, I would of been mad.  I breathed in deeply and said something to the effect that he was right.. and threw them away.  And then a little later.. *I* heard Dan trying to pick an arguement with me.. he was unloading the dishwasher.. and was putting something in my "pan/catch all drawer".  Something fell out.. and then it started..  "why do you have to put everything in this drawer.." and he sits in the floor and starts to unload it..  which *I* heard him throwing/flinging stuff out of it.. but he says he was adjusting stuff that was falling out.. again. me thinking.. "this is MY pan/everything drawer.. and if I want to put something in it.. I WILL.. " but instead.. I just left for work.. as I was running late already and we had already previously said/kissed goodbye.  So on my way out the door I thought to self.. "self.. you can't control what he does.. but I can control how I react.."  so I thought I avoided an arguement.. cuz if I had stayed.. I'm sure there would have been words exchanged.. anywho.. long story.. kinda still long but briefen.. he called at work.. and we still ended up exchanging angry words.. he thought I was mad.. and just running out without addressing the problem.  And then I felt like he was backing me in a corner.. and made me really mad.. and I said.. "I don't give a ****"  and he hung up.  I turned the phone off, thinking I'm not dealing with this.. only to turn it back on a few minutes later, thinking I should incase.  He called back. We talked more and worked it out kinda..  said our sorries.. and love yous.  we just realize that we have issues to work out *sober*... and probably need help in trying to work out these little petty issues.. without getting so angry over 'em.  I know some of it's me.. I'm not perfect.. but damn it if I ever want to admit that.  So I try to blow over an arguement.. and feel like I'm damned.. and if I get into an arguement I'm damned.  I told him to ask his outpt counselor if he works with couples.. and if yes then maybe we need to go see him together to see how we can work on this "stuff"...   Dan said that he knows he has issues to work thru since not drinking now.. and I reminded him that I have those issues too.. that I'm not just Alanon.. I am an alcoholic.. I think sometimes he forgets that since my disease was not as progressive as his at the time we started our recovery.  And I told him we will always have "issues" to work out.. hopefully they will get better with time tho...  And he reminded us that we are both use to living by ourselves for awhile.. so adjusting to someone elses habits and way of doing things I'm sure takes time also..   anywho.. just wanted to put this out here.. with that, I'll pass and now go REPLY to Ramon's GRATITUDE POST..

Hi sweet t's


This is by no means an answer or a solution to your's's issues...however. I'm an asshole, know I'm an asshole, then it got so assholeish bad, I had to go to my shrink and get put on meds. Me--Not him. Totally different scenerio, I know this. The past month I feel as if tho I've been sedated by a tranquilizer gun, I'm not picking fights or argueing anymore tho. Once I get past this last hurdle of getting things under control, I will get off of said meds and continue on with life. When my son passed, I shrinked it up, and medicated daily, once I got balanced back out, I stopped meds, and my shrink. This tumbling experience now, gates flooding and such, isn't fun, so I resorted back to my doc's and meds. This too shall pass.

Minor suggestion, if not already in place.

I love you, you need anything or to chit chat, you know where to find me/call me.

I'm going to blame it on a weird moon cycle. I was in one of those "no matter what you say to me, you will NOT win" kind of moods yesterday  (PMS).  Here's how insane I can be. I was tired.  I wanted a night to myself to go to bed early and catch up on sleep.  I sent the bf the usual "heading out" message when i left work and got no reply.  I went to the 5:30 meeting and texted onece more afterwards - no reply.  This is very unusual.  So I sent one more and something about going home to lie down.  Then I get a text back finally.  He'd fallen asleep after getting off work early and just awoke to my texts.  So we chat a little bit.  I said I was feeling insecure.  He didn't respond to that directly, so that made me mad (lol).  Then he said he was going to hang out at his place because he had some stuff to catch up on and he felt like he was paying 800 a month in rent for what amounts to storage cuz he's at my place so much.  Boy oh boy did I *not* take that in the context given.  (and remember i WANTED a night to myself anyhow) So I respond with something bithcy about being sorry to monopolize all his time and I could easily fix it.  (god I'm such an ********ometimes).   Mr patience replies kindly, "I get insecure sometimes too - it's ok".  That sent me over the edge!  (pms remember)  So about the time I'm making a total jackass out of myself, he asks me if I'd like to consider combining residences in Feb.  *stopped dead in my tracks*  wha? Then I'm in "you're pressuring me" mode.  LOL  So scary.  Too soon.  WTF... etc.   So - long story short.  more conversation - said we had to have MANY discussions but i was open to exploring the idea.  he told me how much he loves me .  I apologized for being hyper-sensitive and giving him a hard tim just because i could.  lol Sleep - went to bed at about 9.  I needed it. Anyhow - sometimes it can be nothing more than a mood for me and then things just feed off one another.  This man is very good at being patient wit me.  That could be both good and bad because there will come a day when I see it as my ultimate goal to make him lose his patience with me.  I don't WANT to do that, but I know this about myself :-) Ahhhh relationships. We grow... progress...adapt....readjust. And we are learning these new skills in sobriety so they'll stick with us! love you all, Michelle

When I was going through my divorce, my best friend at work used to listen to me whine and complain about my problems with my ex.  She would always say, "The more I hear about men, the more I like my cats."  I have not been in a relationship with a guy in ages, except for my booty friend.  I am not sure if I am ready.  My shrink and my Christian mentor believe I am not ready yet.  With my mental health history, and my ability to cling to a guy like velcro, they are not sure I am able to not go from zero to 60 in two seconds flat.  One of my last relationships years ago almost had me married to a guy I had barely met long distance.   I am currently on a dating website, and I am receiving and sending out feelers.  (I don't always follow my shrink's advice.)  I have to confess, I am so sick of being alone here, and not having someone special in my life.  But, then, after hearing what you guys are experiencing, I am not sure what I will be like if any of these guys and I should meet.   Gotta go. Hugs, Trish