preaching?(kinda long)

I have a dear friend here in Pitts, freshly out of rny about 7 months ago, she has discovered alcohol and what it can do and make you feel. She's also discovered how to abuse her mental prescribed medication. The poor soul tryed whackin her self a few weeks back all drunk and medicated up by a train.(she made the news) She wasn't struck but pulled away with such force that when she hit the ground and the big gravel chunks she f'ed herself up pretty good-28 stitches to the back of her head, 15 stitches on her shoulder, and other multiple bruises and scrapes. Now, not only has she discovered, alcohol, her prescribed meds, but now her prescribed pain meds.

I've pleaded with her multiple times, she appreciates it, and tells me thanks for caring blah blah blah, but, it's not sinking in. I feel I need to help her with/through this. WTF else can I do? I know and she knows she needs more on hands mental help, but she keeps making excuses. I think her main problem at this point is the alcohol. I've invited her to OH multiple times(she got the same paper work I did with the OH website on it, because she had my surgeon) I've invited her to this room many times and she won't come. *looks around*....maybe she is here and just isn't saying anything. Either way, I have genuine concern for her, and told her I would 302 her ass if I catch wind of her tryin to whack herself again. I've said that twice now, I'm gonna 302 your ass. She pleads no, I'm cool, blah blah. Dudes I don't think she is.
At this point I feel like I'm preaching to her and nothing is working....I sent her this, this morning because she was bragging about getting all drunk with her new friends*skinny friends, fake friends, you know*

I sent her this site this morning

http://www.themorbidme.com/2006/03/alcohol_aftert_.html

What would you guys do? I refuse to give up on her.

Input please.


Liz

afternoon sweet lizzie this is MY take on alcohol.. it's cunning, baffling and powerful.. and I have the "isms" which is a disease of alcohol and it IS progressive.   And this surgery.. RNY only enhances it.  However, we as people can and will.. only change when WE want to.  Not when anyone else wants us too.  I see many who drink and party.. and feel they are headed down the same path as I was, but I also know (from my own experiences) that me saying something to them will not change their mind.  Just like my mom telling me.. didn't change mine.  "What did she know.. all my friends party.. we are just having a good time."   Even with Dan.. living with me.. I knew I could not change him.. he had to want the change for himself.  The first time, while in KY he went to rehab.. he was doing it for me.. thinking he can change for me and be happy.  It failed..  the second time.. I told him there was no promise of an us.. and that it was okay if he wanted to go back home and fish.. drink and party.  If that was the life he wanted that that was okay.  In his mind he didn't want that.. he knew he could not continue down the path he was going.. so now he just needed to find a way to stop the addictive behaivor.  And he's found it (so far) thru a spiritual awakening.. Higher Power and meetings.  I found it by will.. God and meetings.    You were on these boards saying you needed to quit before and didn't.. what caused YOU to finally want it.. I know I tried to sway you on my side before.. but you were not ready and I didn't push.  But when you finally were.. I (we) were all here still waiting on YOU.  I told you.. you cannot want this for Mike.. family.. or anyone else.. YOU had to want this.  Just like weightloss surgery.. just like religion.. just like politics.. it's a personal choice.   Now.. if your friend is so out of it.. that her life (or anyone elses is in jeapardy) then I think intervention is good.  To get someone away from the bottle.. drugs.. and educated enough to see if it's something they want.. a sober life filled with promises.  But after they're sober.. it's still up to them to want it...  Seek and ye shall find.. 

hi sweet t's

Dude I am not going to let this girl ruin her life over what? Nothing. I keep close tabs on her, there is only a handful of people I do that for. And I'm not giving up on her. I'd rather her hate me for preaching all the time, then give up. And I don't preach all the time....it's only when I see her in a desperate state. I've had 3 serious sit downs with her.

Maybe I am being swindled by her or being naive...but would you give up on me? I wouldn't give up on you....

I will try to lead by example.. live to where I am sooo damn happy and carefree being sober.. that they want what I have   some people's path to recovery will lead them to places I may never understand.. it's GOD's will.. not mine.  But when they are ready.. I will be here/there to love them and accept them..   just like Trish.. and Michelle with their kids.. they are not giving up..  but they are lovingly detaching.  You are not enabling your friend, but just "preaching".. and that's okay.. my mom preached to me.. it didn't mean so much then when I wasn't ready to listen.. but it means ALOT to me now that she did.  Cuz I know she LOVES me..  someday I hope your friend understands the same from YOU.  

 

Liz, This is a bit of a raw deal here. You've heard the saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't  make him drink"?  You can give her all the websites, hold her hand as you walk her into a meeting, and daily, inspect her apt. to remove the booze. If she wants to drink, she'll find a way. You can't  do this FOR her. She has to want it for herself. Right now, she hasn't hit rock bottom. When she does, she may even ask yoi to come with her to a meeting. But until then, until she's ready, all you can do is offer all the support and friendship you have. This sadly makes her alcohol and drug dependency your spectator sport .   The only thing you can do is wait until she asks for help. It's important not to take away her life lesson. She needs what she'll learn from this to help her along each step of the way.   I hope she finds her way out of the haze alcohol puts us in.  Marie

Hi Liz, It sucks to watch someone you love hurt themselves with alcohol or drugs.  Believe me, I know first-hand how that feels.  I also know that if a friend, or family member, of mine threatened suicide or self-harm, I would get their a** to an ER for evaluation of suicidal ideations, even if it means dialing 911 to get them there.  I am bound by a social worker code of ethics to do that with anyone who I work with.  I most certainly would do that with someone I love and care about.   As for recovery, if she is not suicidal, and just drinking herself into oblivion, all we can do is pray.  That is where I am left with my son who had the heroin problem and now drinks.  He swears he is not an addict and that he can handle his drinking. (Yes, he was inpatient twice and did IOP once for his heroin "problem" but he is not an addict.  And denial is not a river in Egypt either. ) I hope this makes sense. Hugs and love, Trish