Making a Squirrel Coat

Wow - yesterday.  LOL Community service was strangely rewarding.  I was able to help out within my skillset which was immensely appreciated at the church.  I set up a database and some queries/reports for the Youth Minister - blew her away that I was able to help her solve her data collection problem within 3 hours.  Then I got to make some flyers and fill-out cards in Publisher - more fun stuff that was greately appreciated.  They were all saying they need me to come there EVERY day LOL  I also got to do some mundane correlating and stuffing - which was really a comfort to me - the tasks I could just get into my thoughts and do somewhat automatically. My "friend"  (I'll get around to calling the spade a spade sooner or later), went to court yesterday but as of 5 pm, I'd not heard anything so I was wondering if it was bad news.  I was still a woman on the edge, so I drove over to the 5:30 meeting, sat in the car and had a rather maniacal conversation with my sponsor on the phone.  Our chair asked *me* to be discussion leader and I think that my maniacal laughter in response scared him LOL.  I agreed of course, because my sponsor told me that I'm supposed to agree when somebody asks me to do service work - plus, I really needed to get out of that bad neighborhood (my head) for a while. Our topic was how having the AA program and my invisible set of tools has really saved my A$$ over the last week, and I asked others to share how they use the tools of the program to stay sober today.  It was a very good discussion.  I needed it. Meeting over - and the new sweetie (there that's better than "friend") calls me - finally.  He was released and actually walking home.  That bozo - it's like 30 miles.  So I told him to hang on and let me go feed the kids and I'd come pick him up, which I did.  I'm not sure who was happier to see whom at that point, but he's home safe and sound - time served.  We had a nice evening together.  The wild part of my conversation with him last night was that he obviously knows me so well because HE was worried about ME cuz he knew EXACTLY what I was thinking and where my head was at.  He nailed it.  I was really surprised that another person could anticipate my insanity like that. We had a nice night together, and although I went to bed late, I slept well. I had a long conversation with my sponsor yesterday about this whole relationship business, and she had very good input as usual.  She did tell me however that if I weren't coming up on a year and had not been doing so well with my program that she would ask me what in the hell I was thinking.  She reminded me that I shouldn't assume I'm not worthy of having a loving relationship simply because of alcoholism.  She reminded me to keep my priorities in order, CALM DOWN, take it easy, let go and let it happen as it would, and that if my focus got OFF of me, then I should re-evaluate.  God I love her so much. So, I have a bunch of dead squirrels in my trap - I guess I'll sew myself a coat.  ;) I'm still a little buggy, but over the worst of it. Love you guys! Michelle

Your day sounded pretty eventful.. and overall positive Michelle. I'm happy for YOU.  I'm sure it's a reief to get the required community service done also.. not that you didn't mine doing it.. but just one more thing to check off the list that they can't come back on you with.   Glad you and your "sweetie" are able to talk things thru.. and that your taking it slow.. and one day at a time.  You do deserve a loving relationship.. as we all do. Your sponsor sounds very intune to what's going on and has some great coaching advise.  Good for her and for you for listening to her.. with open mind thanks for sharing.. big hugss.. love ya

btw.. your squirrly coat reminds me of Dolly Parton's coat of many colors..

Michelle, You do such a good job of identifying what your thoughts and feelings are.  That is the best thing you have going for you right now.   Let's look at your squirrel coat and give yourself some pats on the back for the good stuff you are doing.   1. You spoke with your sponsor and did not keep your squirrels in your head. 2. You went to a meeting rather than play with your squirrels. 3. You had a good attitude about your community service, and actually had fun. 4. You were willing to do service at the meeting, rather than stay in your head, and you chose a topic that helped you, and others. You are doing awesome working your program.  Now it is time for me to start following your example.  I will share my squirrel coat in a post of my own. Huge hugs and love,   Trish