Climbing out of my hole

I had a really good therapy session this afternoon.  My acting out was so bad this week, I counted 7 different ways I acted out.  The worst thing is, I have not been taking my psychotropic medication according to my psychiatrist's instructions.  I have only been taking one of my meds at 25% of the prescribed dosage.  My therapist asked me if I had spoken to my psychiatrist about not taking my meds right, and the increase in acting out.  He seemed surprised that I did not think of it.  Kind of ironic.  I sit in group therapy sessions at the hospital and encourage my patients to take their meds as prescribed, as it could aggravate their symptoms.  Physician heal thyself. So, now I am ashamed and depressed, and really discouraged.  I just realized that I have been running away from reality for over a week, and it just hit me upside the head tonight. I am so sorry I have been whining and acting out.  I am not a poster child for recovery these days. Hugs, Trish

No need to apologize Trish, you're human! We all whine about one thing or another. (mine was the scale. I've since stayed off it and feel much better).  I've not been taking one of my meds right either. It's my bp meds and should be twice a day. For the first two weeks I only took it at night because it was habit for me pre-op.  So...just start taking them as directed and you'll be ok. You caught this early! :)  You're still my hero! Marie

Thanks Marie, I am doing a little better today.  I am back on the right dose of meds, and I got a pep talk from my psychiatrist this morning.  I am a bit shaky, but not tempted to act out in the least. You are so sweet, I appreciate your love and concern. Hugs, Trish

Trish.. you are a poster child for recovery.. RECOVERY is a process.. not perfection!! and thank goodness we have this place to come to and tell/release our inner feelings.. and thoughts..  please don't apologize for THAT..  that means if I feel like **** tomorrow.. I can't come here and share with YOU ALL.. Glad your doctor thought of your meds.. sometimes.. it's right in front of our face.. and it takes someone looking from farther away to see it.   Now get back on them meds.. shake off the guilt and shame.. and get to feeling better!!   Last Monday some of us from my "home board" started a 5 day Pouch Test diet.. 2 days liquid protein.. and so forth.. today is the last day.. *yeahhhh* altho I'm gonna try and stick close to day 5 (good protein/low carbs).. and add in veggies.  Since my lowest weight I have put on anywhere from 20-25 pounds.  I've lost about 6 pounds so far this week... but want to lose at least another 20.  So I will be reporting on how that's going on here too... I need to be held accountable everywhere.. and inspired!! Take care Trish.. Love you

Thanks Rhonda, I am back on my meds.  I got a good talking to from my psychatrist this morning.  I hated admitting to him what I was doing, as he has been such an encouragement to me in my recovery, as well as social work career.   It is embarassing being in the mental health field, and needing the meds, and then not taking the very advice I give to patients all the time.   I appreciate your love and concern. Hugs, Trish