Morning peeps!

Good morning everyone, you are my first stop today on OH, because I need you more than the rest of the boards today.

It has finally come to my realization, started at a meeting last week, but again showed its ugly head this morning in a meeting. Step 2 and 3 are freakin killin me.

(Let's go back a few years)

I was never a drinker before my streak of nastiness came about. My son passing away on his week birthday.

I drank to deal with it. I had RNY, switched addictions moreso to alcohol. These are excuses I am making for myself. Sure AA says some of us simply have mental problems that we could possibly cure with AA. Damnit. I'm done with the excuses. I used that as an excuse last week. Talked to a gentleman in the same situation. He helped me last week and again this morning.

Step 2/3 believing and puttin everything I have into a higher power, which I believed to be God. Jesus Christ. He has failed me. Bible clearly says, a child that isn't baptised before death literally sits in "Limbo" No heaven for an infant that has done no wrong. That's bull**** God doesn't do that, why would he do that? F'ing bull**** if you ask me. Why would God take my first born? That's the worst possible thing you could do to anyone, and I wouldn't wi**** upon anyone. God did it to me. He took my ONLY child.

Now, I clearly have to seperate...spirituality vs. God. Until I get it out of my head that God has done nothing good for me, I'm thinking I have to go with MY God, MY higher power.

I read the bible daily, go to church, pray every damn day to who? God? or, MY God.

Why is this so difficult?

With that being said, I am so excited to say I have 25 days clean. My freggin reality is coming to light, all of these emotions are flooding my gates. I am greatful that I am doing this, with the help of you, and my 2 homegroups. No, I don't have a sponsor...I do however, have a temp sponsor, her name's Val. I've yet to call her, but know she is there when I need her. I TRUST her. I also TRUST with everything I know, the gentleman I mentioned above who had not one, but two children pass away. (Heh, I thought I had it bad.)

I'm doing this without alcohol. Damn man....I feel good.

With that, I'll pass.

Hi Liz, I am so sorry that you lost your baby so young.  That is so hard to deal with.   I study the Bible religiously, and I know of no verse that says that baptism is a requirement for heaven.  My thinking, and belief, and I have no sound basis for this other than studying the life of Christ, is that God is merciful and does not punish innocent babies.  Christ said "Suffer the little children to come to me."  Scripture says that if someone were to lead a child astray, it would be better a millstone were tied to their neck and they be thrown into a lake. (or something like that.) Given your loss, and your belief that baptism is a requirement for heaven, your struggle with the 2nd and 3rd step is understandable.  I would encourage you to study Psalm 139, and really meditate on it.  Pray and ask God to heal your broken heart, and help you have faith in Him.  There is a story in scripture of someone asking Jesus to help them have faith.  He said, "Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief."   If you ever need to talk, I am here for you.  Keep praying and seeking God.   Hugs, Trish

Hey sweetie..  I'm not catholic.. and not sure if you are.  But.. I've heard that about unbaptized babies before.. not that I've read it in the bible.. but have heard say from Cathlic teachings.  I searched the internet and found this article from April 2007.. you may find interesting.  My personal belief is that the GOD (of my understanding) would not do that to a baby.. the child will be with HIM in heaven.  I just thought reading this might help bring you peace of mind.. even tho I think in your heart you already know this. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04 /28/AR2007042800831.html http://www.churchexecutive.com/Page.cfm/PageID/6410 Thanks Lizzie for sharing.. and you'll be in my prayers

Glad you're still posting! So sorry you're still struggling. The God of my understanding is pure love.  This entity does not punish or harm us in any way.  While we may not understand her plan,  God certainly knows the bigger picture and has designed the universe so that it unfolds as it should.  We all get to be with God upon release from this physical dimension.  That I believe fully.  The Bible is a wonderful collection of metaphoric information about spirituality.  I try to keep in mind that it's translation and even content has been controlled by mankind, and mankind is imperfect in motivation.  I believe that organized religion often has a vested interest in keeping us fearful and making us believe God is some sort of unrealistic puppet master who demands we do certain things.  If God is allknowing, all powerful and all loving, she does not NEED any specific actions from us.  She just craves our love...  MY opinion of course.  You will see your precious son again in a more perfect spirit based realm.   I think life seemed surreal for many months into my sobriety.  It's just that my whole perspective was changing and everything felt somewhat dream like.  This too shall pass :-) You rock.  You are doing it.  You are staying sober.  You are feeling the feelings (even the anger yes!) and you are putting them out there.  You are getting over it by getting through it!!!  That is one of the greatest life skills we can learn. Love you! Michelle