I am back!!!

Hello Addiction Forum folks!!!!  I frequented (sp) this site quite often last year, Hi Michelle, remeber me?? Well since last August, I have been in 5 detoxs, 5 inpatients, 2 pysch wards, 1 homeless shelter and had 1 DWI, oh yes, was served divorce papers and gave up my children.....ALL OF THIS FROM TRANSFERRING ADDICTIONS: FOOD TO ALCOHOL TO DRUGS............ But here I am, Im back, Im sober and Im fighting my way back to being the  best Mommy I knew how to be to my babies............  I plan to come to this site often, I need to hear from more of you who are going through similar situations I am now livng in a womens sober house, attending AA and getting back to work please email me, Id love to chat ~Bethany [email protected]

Bethany, I will e-mail you in addition to replying here.  You have obviously been through the wringer.  It took a lot of courage to give up your children.  That is actually a healthy sign.  As hard as it was, and will be for a while, you really need to focus on your sobriety and getting on your feet financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  That is the best gift you can give your children.   I will share my experience, which while a little different, might give you some hope.  I was a maniacal woman before I came into recovery and therapy.  Even after I first got sober 18 years ago.  I did not change, the way I was told I needed to.  My kids, ages 13, 12 and 8, were terrified of me, and hated me.  I was Mommy Dearest, even after I got sober.  The guilt and shame I felt about that plagued me, and I felt hopeless about my relationship with them and their father.  He did not divorce me till 6 years ago, after my youngest was 18.  I was in relapse at the time, but had made significant progress in changing how I related to him and the kids.   That first year I had to deal with all of my kids moving away.  One got married, one went to grad school and one went to college.  Two of them halfway across the country.  I focused on my recovery, and learning to live life alone and sober.  Two years ago, I went to an intensive outpatient treatment program for my binge eating disorder.  While there, I had the opportunity to have a family session with each of my children independently.  They did not have much resentment about their childhoods.  Their main issue was my bitterness toward their father, and putting them in between him and me, and making them feel guilty for the time they spent with him.   I have since been blessed with so much love and acceptance by them.  My daughter recently gave birth to my first grandchild.  I went to Michigan, from Pennsylvania, to help her and see my granddaughter, when the baby was a week old.  My mom and I stayed there for a week, and when it came time for us to leave, my daughter cried and said she wished I could stay longer.  I never dreamed I would ever hear any of my kids say that to me when they were younger.  She recently visited here, and let me take the baby out in my car to go to a nearby park to take a walk.  She trusts me with her child, and loves me.  My sons call me with news about their jobs, and to just talk.   My point is, focus on your priorities and work on your recovery program.  You will reap rewards in the future for the footwork you tooday.  Work the Steps.  Use the tools. Hang in there. Hugs, Trish

Hey there Bethany!  Of course I remember you!  I'm so glad to see you here and posting your experience.  It really does help others for us to share what we've gone through.  It sounds like you've had one hell of a past year.  I'm very encouraged to read you are working on sobriety.  KUDOS! I agree with Trish that you are showing tremendous courage.  You have a very unique blessing in that this time of your life can be all focused on what you need to do to remain sober and to manage your addictive behavior.  I'm so encouraged to learn you are taking the steps you mentioned. Keep fighting the good fight!  Email me any time.  I'm wishing you tons of strength, courage and even some luck thrown in there! Love and light, Michelle

Bethany-

Welcome back...

My heart goes out to you, you will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Remember, it works for you, if you work it.

*hugs*...

Liz

Thankyou you ladies for respondng to my post.  I really needed to hear those wprds of encouragement.  Thankyou for making me feel welcome.  Its so hard for me to let go of the control regarding my children, where I live what I do etc etc.  I am under the microscope, but deserfve it...I got myself here.  I have to remeber all the things I do have RIGHT NOW and be grateful for them, I have to!!! I miss my husband (who know lives with his girlfriend, in my house with my children etc etc) resentment yes!!  I miss my house and my babies soooooooooooooooo much....but you are right Im taking this time to get "me" back and get healthy....cuz Im not...I feel like Im in cloud all the time...did anyone else feel this way after getting sober...like everything is "not real"???  its a weird feeling and I hate it.... Thankyou all for listening and I pray that we all have a safe, sober spirtual Friday

You dont have to live like that any more. Welcome back .

I've been on OH many years.. but newer to the Addictions Board...  and it's always nice to have a family member come back home.  So welcome back!!   The people here before me.. gave some awesome advice.. and all I can add is .. " if no one today has told you that they love YOU.. I DO.." take care of yourself and I can not wait.. to see more posts from YOU hugsss, Rhonda

Isn’t in ironic some think we are weak (even ourselves) when in fact we are undeniably strong. Your courage is inspiring. God Bless you on your journey you are in my prayers.  Peace Nikki