My first step

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting here. I guess I should just start by simply saying I need help. I know I could go to a meeting but I’m just not ready for that but I am ready to stop the madness and will take any advise anyone would like to offer. When I began my weight loss journey I had 7 years in recovery I never went to meetings but a girl who lived up the road from me acted as my sponsor, while she helped me early in my recovery I began to see that many areas of her life were a mess and I needed to back away. I don’t know if I just shot myself in the foot, but something wasn’t right and we out grew each other. I moved here from my family because of the wreckage from my past I am now in the middle of nowhere and I hate it. I have no friends no job and my life is so boring I don’t go anywhere cause it takes an hour to get anywhere but the truth is I don’t want to go anywhere or have any friends someone once told me “I’m not happy unless I’m miserable” But I was happy in the beginning of my recovery the birds, the flowers the snow it was all so beautiful not I’m just like oh please theres gotta be something more. But I never found it. I’m sorry if I’m not making sense I’m trying to fill you in so you can understand where I am and how I got here.

So one day crazy me says I’m gonna get bypass (and though I never follow through with anything) amazing I did again it was cool at first but then I lost my best friend and turned to pain meds to fill that void. Its been 3 years now and needless to say I haven’t filled the void. I’ve had enough of these pills they don’t even make me feel good in fact they make me sick so I want to get off. I’ve said this before but this time I really want to do it I have about 20 pills and want to wean myself off so I don’t go through withdrawal but I’m not sure how to do that. I’m sorry for babbeling Thanks for listening Nikki

My original screen name was loosing it but something happened to it and now its lost_it but my profile is still on loosing it if you want to read it. Thanks for letting me vent Have a great day Nikki

Hi Nikki, Welcome.  We are a great group of people at various stages of recovery.   I would encourage you to get evaluated by a rehab, and see if you might benefit from either inpatient rehab, or IOP (Intensive Outpatient Treatment.)   In the meantime, you can check out the NA and AA websites to learn about the 12 step programs.  Google their webistes.   Hugs, trish

Hi Nikki.. welcome to the board.. like Trish said there are many here at different levels of our recovery..  just keep coming back!! hugs, Rhonda

Welcome to the forum!  You're in a great place to get support and understanding about your issues! I'm not going to push AA/NA on you, but I will say the 12 steps have been an invaluable part of my recovery.  Please at least keep them in mind if you decide you need more help on your path to recovery. I suggest talking to your doctor about weaning off the pills.  My own doctor was extremely understanding and kind when I got sober.  He was able to warn me about medical risks, help me to take it easy on myself and monitored me closely while I went through the first couple of months. In my experience, all these things (pills, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping etc) are just symptoms of an underlying problem.  I personally had to address the problem (which is *me*) before I could see any hope of warding off more addiction transferrence.  It's a process.  Some days are better than others. I'm sending you big hugs and want you to know I wish you the very best on your journey!  You can do it! love and light, Michelle

Thank you to all of those that welcomed me I’m still ‘hanging in there’ have a few pills left and I’m not sure whats gonna happen when there gone. I know mentally it will be a struggle I was just hoping to avoid the physical crap I’ve been there before and don’t want to go through that again but that’s all part of this wonderful addiction isn’t it? I’m really worried cause I’m going on vacation and don’t want to ruin it for everyone. Well I guess will see what happens. I just want to add while I didn’t go to meetings, my 7 years of recovery were only by the grace of God (my choice in higher power) But I think I hit a wall and I know what I have to do I know I need to go to meetings. I’m just a nervous insecure little **** and can’t get myself there but I praying when I get home I will turn my life around, start eating right, get to meetings maybe even church. The good intentions are there I just hope I can follow through with them.  So if you would be so kind as to pray for me I would be truly grateful. Thanks again you all have a great day! Peace Nikki

you'll be in my prayers Nikki..  hugsss, Rhonda

Thank you Rhonda! And congrats to you!!!! 9 months thats awesome!!!! Keep up the great work!!! Peace Nikki