Rug Pulled Out From Under Me

I had played phone tag with my sponsor a lot.  She finally called me back tonight, and after we talked for a few minutes, she told me to get another sponsor.  She said I have a lot of unmanageability in my life that she cannot relate to.  My issues with men,  my ex, my kids, my eating disorder, my chaotic lifestyle, seeing a therapist, yada, yada, etc.  She says she cannot relate to any of that.  She has a business she runs, she goes to meetings, and she is sponsoring a new woman and trying to help her do step-work.  She suggested I find someone who can relate to my issues.   I understand it from a cognitive point of view.  I just felt like I got punched in the gut and my breath was taken away.  I called my therapist in tears.  How am I supposed to find a sponsor with more than 6 years of sobriety with my life issues, who has hopefully resolved them anyway?  I know I am screwed up in the head a bit, and I honestly thought I had found the right sponsor for me. Last time this happened to me, I was new in the program, in the Spring of 1990.  I went to a psychiatrist and he put me on antidepressants.  My sponsor told me if I went on medication, she would drop me and she did.  She believed that all a person needs is the 12 Steps of AA, not medication.  Ironically, I now work in mental health.   I wish I understood why I feel so vulnerable right now.  I am doing my self-soothing this weekend.  I exercised yesterday and today.  I made a really good meeting last night.  I went to church today and also to a children's ministry meeting.  I also spoke with an OH friend who also has a support group not far from me.  She offered to let me call her anytime if I get the urge to eat junk.  Funny thing is, I had told her that was how I got sober in AA, calling my sponsor and other women in the program when I had the urge to drink.  Right after that phone call, my sponsor called and dropped me. I am not on the pity pot.  Just a little upset with my reaction, and with the anxiety I feel now about finding a new sponsor.   I once had a sponsor who I am still friends with.  I stopped going to the meeting I saw her at, and lost touch with her till a few months ago when I started going to that meeting again.  We do a prison commitment once a month, and she understands the divorce, adult children, men issues I have.  She also understands eating disorders, because she also attended Overeaters Anonymous at the time she was sponsoring me.  I think I will see if she is available tomorrow at the 6:00 a.m. meeting.   Sorry to babble.  I hope my therapist calls me back soon.   Hugs and love, Trish

Trish I'm so sorry this happened! You've got my number if you need to talk!! Hugs, Marie

Marie,  Silly me lost your number.  E-mail it to me.  I did get a sponsor this morning.  It was the woman I shared about.  She is terrific.  The cool thing is, she used to be a psychiatric nurse, so she understands the mental health issues I am working through.  I knew there was a reason I started going back to that 6:00 a.m. meeting, besides the fact that it is the best group of AA people I have met.  There is no nonsense, like 13th stepping.  The people are there to work the program and get recovery.  It is serious about recovery, because the players and jerks are still sleeping at that hour.  People who get up that early are not going to fool around with the program at that hour.

It's wonderful that you already were able to get a new sponsor.. and one that you have soo mu*****ommon and history with.  Appears another prayer answered.. one door closed and another one opened... and I don't doubt it's for a good reason.   I'm on a search myself now for a sponsor.. I've decided it's the right thing to do.  Keep me in prayer! have a great day

Trish that's great that you have a new sponsor! I'm so glad you didn't have to be in limbo very long! Question:  What's 13th stepping?? I've never heard of it, then again, I don't go to meetings so I'm not familiar with it at all!! Marie

lol that's where group members use the program/meetings to try and hook up with members of the opposite sex.

Jeeez! Are you kidding?? LOL...wow have *I* lead a sheltered life! :)  It's a scary prospect when I think of a former acquaintance who's an admitted sex addict and went and seduced her sponsor under an overpass. Sigh...that's damn scary. (that could be ME)