Yuck...

I am not having a good day by any means. It's so easy to put a smile on your face and *pretend* you are having a good day, when in all reality, I hate my whole being. I know that is an irrational thought, however, the reality of my 2nd dui is coming to light. The fear of the unknown has got my stoma*****nots...every day. My husband worries..I don't eat...he see's my demeanor when I go to AA meeting's vs. when I don't. I didn't go to a meeting 3 days straight and ME being 31 years old, still can't control thoughts that go through my head. He see's this, he sees my blank stares, and constant *****yness. I was doing so good for nearly a week, getting my crying under control, my guilt under some type of control, and now it's all back. I ****** hate it. I read a profile here on OH this morning and it was like a smack in the face reading one of my board members in such pain last year due to drinking and driving and her daughter. I'm at work, and cried yet again to think...that could have been me....I could have caused an accident like that....and there are people in way worse situations than me. I went to a meeting this morning and didn't say a peep. I passed, and said good morning. I should have said, step 2 is not working in my favor at all. Let alone step 3. Power greater than me could restore *ME* to sanity. I'm back in the same shell I was 2 weeks ago. Back to my selfish stage, scared ****less of what my future behonds, and me, me, me. Poor old me. SHUT UP! When I sit here and think of ANY possible way to get myself out of the predicament I'm in...That is not a good thing. When I keep replaying my husband saying "This isn't the best way to start a marriage" I want to jump from a roof onto a pitchfork. Meanwhile, I'm thinking....Thank God this happened when it did or I would have the worst marriage ever due to my devious, lying ways. Bah...with that, I'll pass.

Day 15 sober...That's a positive in my favor.

15 days is a HUGE accomplishment! Maybe you can't see it or feel it right now, but it IS!! Keep up your great work!! Sobriety is the cornerstone of my life. I put that before everything, because without that, I sink lower than dirt....and it never takes long! Hang in there hon...we are all one bad decision away from the worst mistakes of our lives. Being sober and staying that way is the best thign I ever did for myself and my family.

you say that like it's nothing.. and yet it's everything..  you should hold SOBRIETY as your number one priority..   I thought my #1 was GOD.. then someone from AA said his #1 was SOBRIETY.. cuz without it.. he would not know GOD like he does sober.  And .. I have agree with him.. SOBRIETY over GOD.. I would never have thought that.. but I think GOD would want that for ME

Marie- I sit here and have pity parties for myself, when I should be asking YOU how you are doing from surgery?

Let me know-
Liz

Hi Liz, i'm doing really well...at least until this afternoon. I left my PCP's office and started to have the worst pains at my main incision site. Has this ever happend to you?  I had to take some pain meds and saxck out for a few hours. I'm concerned now. ;( How are you feeling today, girlie?? Still hanging in there/? Marie

Marie-

Morning, and actually no, my main incision site...I had 5 little tiny holes...I went back for my first check up to get my drain tube taken out. The nurse looked at my hand that had the IV's in it....Says...Your hand looks worse than any of your incisions do.

My worst pain was in my hand...odd.

Hi Liz, I've got six small holes..well, 5 small and one dent on my left side. I'ts been sore since day one and I keep pulling the muscles too! But it's less and less sore every day and I've completely stopped the pain meds. THAT I feel great about!!  Marie

take a look at this site.. read the daily inspirational sayings.. http://www.cleanandsobernotdead.com/ breath.. pray..  journal.. keep on keeping ondo this for YOU.. not your coworker.. neighbor.. parents.. friends.. me or husband.  You want this for YOU!!  

Hi sweet t's-

We talked last night and I thank you for it.

*squinting*

Is Daniel grabbing your boob in that picture?