Can we talk about sex?

So, here I am, divorced for six years, lonely as Hell, and dealing with a core identity that says I am a loser without a man in my life.  I am going to be attending my son's wedding in four weeks, without a date, while my ex has his wife on his arm.  UGH!  A few years ago, I met a guy online who I slept with on the first date, and that is all we do when we get together, wild, crazy sex.  Since losing 89 pounds, it has gotten so much better too.  My therapist and I have discussed ad nauseum my sexual abuse as a teenager, and the subsequent acting out ever since.  Part of my weight gain was protecting myself from the acting out with men.  Now that I am single and not in a relationship, other than lurid sex from time to time, it has become pathological.   I had been doing really well for several weeks, making four meetings a week, exercising regularly, coping with the f***ing feeings in a calm rational way.  Then, I stopped attending my meetings for five days.   I then had dental work, a nasty root canal. on Wednesday, and I got the Tylenol with Codeine.  I refuse to take Motrin since my ulcer in March.  Regular Tylenol would not cut the pain I had.  I did not abuse the painkiller.  But, not having gone to my meetings and being lonely and in pain, I sought sex and reinforced that core identity that I am a loser without a man.   Now, I know in one respect, that I am not a loser.  Unfortunately, because of my sexual abuse at the age of 15, and then becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol right afterward, I cannot break that identity for good.  I have weeks where the thought of seeing this guy repulses me.  Then, I turn into a wicked ***** and just act out like crazy.  Then comes the guilt, shame and remorse and the cycle goes on. I just had to share where I am at tonight. Hugs, Trish

trish...I'm sorry i wish i coul help you? I don't know anything about sex addicts, i've seen you mention this before but ad absolutely no idea about it, or what to say?

As for the tylenol/codeine-my only suggestion tak to your doc about it, explain your issues and go from there.

 

:shrug:

Sorry doll-

Liz

Hi Trish.. I'm at some loss of what to say..   I may have easily fell into the same situation as yourself.. I know many a evening... after the bars closed and I had my drinks.. I was easy prey.   Mine was not from any form of childhood abuse.. but I think on some part it's from being obese.. having lived with a man who was addicted to porn/masterbation.. which caused me to feel unworthy.. and just being in an alcoholic state of mind.  I know when I'm not in a "relationship".. I'm always very vulnerable to one night stands... thinking that it's love.  Even in my older years.. I was nieve enuff to think that.  My mind would know better.. but my actions didn't show it. thanks for sharing..  Hugsss Rhonda

Hey Trish, I worry that my next addiction might be sex.  As one might figure, I'm married to a great guy, but don't necessarily wnat this sex with him! Why isn't he enough? My shrink keeps bailing on our appts. and I have to find another one. This is an important juncture for me as surgery is tomorrow, and I know I'm going to need someonme to talk to.  Trish, you are my hero! Your'e the first person I really identified with on this board, and the life of this board!  If you weren't so honest and out there with your feeligns, I'd never have posted, or taken your suggestion and gone to a meeting when I felt I needed help. :) Thanks girlfriend.   Much love, Marie

Marie, Keep going to meetings.  Don't worry about what your next addiction will be.  Just find a new shrink, work your AA program, and keep moving forward.  A lot of my crap with sex is from when I was molested, and I didn't deal with it till recently. Praying for your surgery. Hugs, Trish