My tumor, Larry

So - as I mentioned in Liz's post.  I've got several cysts and an icky fibroid (so we think at this point) tumor whom I've named Larry.  I hurt. So I'm referred out to the ob-gyn for more treatment but she cannot see me until 8/21 and I've already been in pain for 3 weeks.  Sigh.  My pcp offerred me pain medication but I opted for the Rx strength motrin (I know - nsaids) instead.  With my ulcer history, I'm not sure that's the best route, but the thought of narcotic pain meds for 3 + weeks frightens me.  I do not have a history of taking such meds as prescribed, and I do not wish at this point in my sobriety to jeopardize it by ingesting anythign that gives me any sort of buzz..  So this morning, I'm contemplating which I value more - no pain or my sobriety - that's easy - sobriety.  **BUT** I'm having a little internal temper tantrum at myself because I don't want to be in pain either.

And in typical alcoholic/addict fashion, I've projected this horrible future where my uterus falls out on the floor or Larry pokes his head thru the surface of my skin and says hello.  The gp said that I might end up with a hysterectomy since I've had the tubal anyhow and am having no more kids.  Now how in the hell will I deal with THAT without pain meds? 

So - I'm mad at me once again.  I wish I wasn't wired up to addictive behavior. 

Gratitude - reminding myself that it's probably not cancer (they *think* it's a fibroid but it was only a ultrasound so we're not positive - we do know it's a "mass"), my kids are healthy, I have a good (albeit annoying) job and I can pay my bills.  I've a nice home and good friends.  My dog loves me.  lol all good things. I'm a hrorible patient.  I've been blessed with pretty remarkable health.  When things do go batty with my health, I'm a HUGE baby.  I don't like hurting and the fear that I might have cancer or something is a bit daunting. Any of you experience this?  (the girl stuff, not the crazy self-talk LOL) love and light, Michelle

Hi Michelle.. hope you had a good and not so painfuf evening sorry you are having to go thru all this.. Larry sounds like not such a nice person.  I've been blessed so far with not much health problems *knock on wood*.. I just went to gyno last week.. first time since having tubes tied in 11/04.. he was very kind and forgiving that I've waited so long.  I told him that I "Maria's aunt" (period) didn't visit me in May.. and was late in June.. and so far this month nothing  he told me we would jus****ch that... I'm 46 and could be in perimenopause.. said I'm lucky cuz some women my age have Maria's aunt come visit for a long time and heavily.   But for YOU.. you mentioned the surgery.. and dealing with paid meds.. may I recommend this site on here...  it would be worth mentioning to your doctor to see if this is possible.. it seems like the perfect answer for those of us with addictions.  http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/pain/ Keep us posted.. and I'll keep ya in my prayers, Rhonda

michelle- With all of the insight you gave me the other day, myheart is breaking for you.  I hate debating with mysel then getting angry with myself.  I agree with what you are saying and I understand your sobriety being more important.   I don't know anything about pain meds so i have no idea how addicting they are or could be.  I do know if i was in excruciating pain i would discuss again with my dr and tell them the pro's and con's and see what they can do....which you pretty much have already done. I will pray for you tomorrow at church, as I'm praying for you right now. :love::kiss: ps-5 meetings in 5 days.   Thinking of you- Liz

Hi Michelle, Larry sounds like a jerk.  I empathize with the dilemma of the Motrin vs. narcotics.  Having just had an ulcer in March, and not being too keen on that pain, I opted for the Tylenol with Codeine with my root canal this week.  I am not abusing it but I am just nuts with other behavior, which I will share in a separate post. I had my surgery in August and celebrated five years of sobriety in September.  I made lots and lots of meetings prior to my surgery, and during my recuperation period.  I also read the "Living Sober" book, which has a section in it about taking pain meds and staying sober.  It is possible, just damn hard work.   This is one of those situations that you have to turn over to God and let Him have.  He is not going to drop you now.  Work those first three steps on this issue and see how things play out. Hugs, Trish

Michelle, I don't know if this will help, as I'm not sure if ti's habit forming or not, but a long time ago I threw my back out. The first time I was given Valium and hated it. The second time I refused the valium and was given Robaxin.  Check with a pharmacist and see if that's also a narcotic. Etiher way, it's been said here...talk iwth your doc first and get their take on it!! Hugs, Marie