Day 5

i hate today....i've been crying alot today. day 5 and meeting 5 at 10.30 this morning. I've had to talk myself out of a drink at least 3 dozen times. Mike went to lowes and I nearly went and bought a bottle of wine...then thought...:idea:  Wait....mike has whiskey in the liquer cabinet. Mike...my wonderful supporting husband did not have whiskey, or the capt morgan, or any thing else except for gallons of water and diet green faygo pop(my fav soda-pop).  That ******g ****** hid the alcohol.....he really isn't that, but that's exactly what went through my head when i opened that cubboard....thank God he was at lowes or i would have freaked out on him.....then i cried again. I hate today, I hate alcohol....actually alcohol is a mere liquid, object....it's me and my thoughts i hate. yesterday's meeting I met a woman who has also had wls, rny, she's right out of surgery bye only a month and a half, and she's been sober since 7/7/07.....which is why i had to go talk to her and tell her how i got married and was an obnoxious drunk that day, and that i too had the surgery. at any rate...5 days, meetings down, and it's still kinda cool i got my 24 hour sober coin at last nights meeting, but istill hate everything and want to cry for  no reason. I did some retail therapy today.....purchased a beautifully framed serenity prayer so i can hang it  in the kitchen next to the coffee pot so i read it and say it every morning. I love you guys and thanks again for listening- liz 

Lizzie hun..  I'm sorry you're strugglin so hard today.  If you get too pressured or want to drink.. please call me.. or Dan.. or any one of the other numbers that you must have gotten in your meetings.  That should help just to get you over the hump hun.. to get you out of your own head.  May I also recommend Jay... he's very helpful.. and knowledgable and pleasure to talk to.  He helped Dan when he relapsed... and myself.. just talking to him.  Of course I only talked to him briefly... but I do recommend him.   hang in there love

Liz,  keep hanging on.  It does get better.  You will find release from the obsession.  Keep going to the meetings.  Share what you shared here, wanting to drink.  I remember my first few months this time around, I went to meetings and put my hand up all the time and said I wanted to drink.  My son lives in Pittsburgh.  He used to do heroin, now he drinks.  He had made meetings last year when a friend of his had a DUI and had to attend meetings and couldn't drive.  I keep praying he will come back to program.  He has been in three rehabs and had done NA meetings and recovery houses. Hang in there.  Call me if you need.  I will send you my phone number if you need to talk. Hugs and love, Trish