Do you ever wish

Do you ever wish someone would just die so you could be free. I know it is bad and I pray on it everyday. I could leave but unless I go to the moon he would haress me whereever I go. I am just tired of the drinking, drugs, and the emotional, verbal and threat of physical abuse. I want to be happy.  I know life is too short to live like this. I have loss 2 sisters to cancer in 3 years so I know the value of life. If I left where would I go. I moved from my family here that is closer to his family and friends and all he does he leave me at home. If I moved back home, he would follow and I don't want to put this on my family. He is such an idiot and it would get real ugly. I know it has to be another way out other than death. I work everyday and make enought money to support myself. I just don't want to live in more fear than I live with now. I guess what I live with now is controlled fear. I know how to keep the peace depending on his attitude when I walk in the door. I don't want to leave and one day come home from work and he jumps out of a bush and kills me. I could get a roommate but who would want this in their home. Their should be some type of service that match up roommates with this type of issue so that they can help each other or at least understand. Anyway, I had to get it off my chest. I don't know why today I stop lurking and decided to post this. Please pray for me.

Sweetie, I am sorry for your situation. My mother lived just like you, and I grew up fighting every day, and getting beat, and hating her for it. She never thought she could leave, and never did. God did us a favor, and killed his ass from a sudden stroke after 15 yrs of HELL. I offer you lot's of prayer. It is not a good place to be.  And may I say too, if you ever plan on leaving, you have change everything, leave not a trace of where you could be at. These crazy MO FO's will kill, and they don't care. I will be praying for you.

It's completely understandable to be fed up. I let it get to such a point that I had to leave the country. I had nowhere else to go. *hugs*