Life with Inhibitions

OK, I want to share about this because I'm finding it both sad and funny and I just wonder if anybody else has had this thought process. I've made a friend - a male friend.  We've become close.  I really like him.  We spend a lot of time together.  He's professed to me he's falling in love with me, and I'm remaining safely distant refusing to get attached due to a couple of things - primarily that I'm still working on ME, and well, he's going thru a divorced (I won't be involved with somebody married), and he too has a lot of work to do on himself right now.  So I just don't think the timing is right. Now the funny part.  I mentioned to a girl friend the other day, "good thing I'm not drinking anymore because I would have definitely slept with him by now and then I'd NEVER get rid of him".  It was a joke, but it had merit and truth.  The past few days I've been ummm I guess I'd say VERY horny lol.  I guess I'm ovulating or something, but I've been CRAVING some physical attention/affection - even if just some back rubbing etc.  I KNOW that I could count on my friend for any kind of affection I'd let him give me, but I also know that once the genie is out of the proverbial bottle, it's not going back in.  I've come so close in the past week to just saying "screw it" and giving in, but my INHIBITIONS have held me back.  Wow so that's why we have inhibitions! You know, my interactions with men have very rarely been initiated by a sober Michelle.  I have always had to have a little buzz to get over that anxiety of the "first time" with anybody.  After that I'm fine, but I am like an immature high school girl in the romance department.  I don't know how to handle myself.  Now I wonder as a sober Michelle if I'm ever going to get laid again.  I broke it off with my long term fling almost a year ago becasue it was a soul-damaging relationship, but it was comfortable, the sex was good and I was never inhibited or unsure of myself with him even in sobriety because we know eachother so well. So - for now, I'm going to assume my inhibitions are really my good sense making me do the right thing that I know LOGICALLY I need to do.  Meanwhile, I'm enjoying this guy's company and the flattery and attention and yes I see that it's kind of unhealthy too - the fact I enjoy/crave that male attention so much.  I wonder if he'll get frustrated and say the hell with her - she's just playing games with me.  Oh well - if so, then so be it. Inhibitions - friend or foe?    :-) Love and light, Michelle

Neat post Michelle, I have a lot of trouble in the guy department.  I have a friend whose sole purpose in our relationship is sex.  That is the crux of our relationship, to make love.  No emotional commitment, just good sex.   That said, I am trying to end that relationship, and find a healthy relationship with a decent guy.  I am not sure if I am capable of finding such a guy, or developing the healthy relationship with him if I do.  My marriage ended because of my incapability to relate in a healthy way.   So, I am confused about myself, and my potential for a long term relationship, should I find someone.  My psychiatrist and best friend think I still need to wait.  They both think I am not ready.  My therapist is a little okay with me dating.  Problem is, the last boyfriend I had I almost ran off and married after a few months of knowing him.   So, I am trying to just take it slow.   Hugs, trish