Emerging from Myself

  There is so much about being reborn that goes unspoken, I recall at only one pre-op meeting a girl crying at the podium telling the crowd of people grasping for hope, that this surgery is not a cure all or a magic bullet.That unless we face what made us obese, we would never truly be healthy.It struck a chord, but not nearly as much as it should have.  Since that day I came to from surgery, I felt someone was with me, as alone as I was.I didn't want alot of visitors, and no family even attempted to come because they did not agree with my decision.Someone or something walked with me through all the tears, the pain, the self hatred, the endless nights of trying to erase my life of pain, when only to realize at the end of it all, I was further behind than when I started.  This is the first time in years that I am not afraid.I do not fear tomorrow, do not fear my past.I live for this day, I embrace waking up, of learning to unlearn my bad habits.I embrace my family, as screwy as we all are.I love that I have realized it's OK to admit defeat, that I am not perfect and should never try to be.Being your own worst enemy will truly destroy you, and trying to numb a lifetime of pain, will ultimately lead to your demise as well.  I am learning.Life is full of lessons.All I want to do is help someone else who is hurting.By this, I help myself.

There is so much strength and hope in what you share here.  It reminds me of when I finally got sober from drinking this time.  I had nothing left.  My husband left me, my kids were all grown and moved away and we were putting our house on the market as part of our divorce.  I regret that it took another five years before I did something serious about my weight, but I have learned to embrace today and not regret the past. Hugs, trish

There is something so beautiful about such bare bones honesty as you've written here. Thank you. I can remember the first day I was unafraid. At that moment I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life feeling that way. Remembering the strenght and power of that carried me through for my (so far) 21 year journey.  Thank you so much for this post! Marie

Hi Hairgirl, I think that God is with you and have given you this knowledge.   I know that he gave me complete and utter peace with my decision to have WLS and then again in my decision to go on and have some PS.    Life is full of lessons is right and we have to do what we decide is best for us....no one can make those decisions for us.....not our spouses, children, parents or anyone but ourselves.    I am so happy about those decisisons that I have made and I am even beginning to like the person that is looking back at me in the mirror. Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian