Relapse..

i'm too untrusting to give any advice on the trust issue but just wanted to tell you that you are luved   

thank you Tina  you know I suffer the same thing.. and it's because of this sorta thing.. first husband and all..   I talked to Dan a few minutes ago and told him about your message and phone call..  he was happy to hear that. love ya..

Listen up sweet tits.....I know you are a strong woman, I know you are a smart woman, I know you will do what is best for you. My personal opinion, I was in the same boat as "boyfriend", I was lying, sneaking, drinking, eating gum, sucking on mints, thinking oooh just like in the movies, vodka doesn't stink(it does).....to the point where my future husband told me he didn't trust me to be pregnant with our children someday, in fear I'd drink and do damage to my fetus.  You know my history with my child, and anyone reading this can read my profile and read about it.  Rhonda you know what happened, and all it took was for Mike to say that he didn't trust me in that sense and I stopped.  I had to.  He is my future.  Mike is more important than alcohol.  PERIOD.  I feel like a totally different person not drinking as I used to.  I've dropped 13 pounds not drinking.   With that, I've also lost a lot of friends from my drinking.  Being 30some years old wandering in the middle of a snowstorm  because I was drunk and stupid, lost in the woods no larger your yard.  F'in rediculous if you ask me, and with that, I lost respect from alot of people and 2 very good friends.   With that, I caused so many fights with Mike it wasn' even funny....to the point I would catch myself wanting to punch him in the face.   Honey, if "Boyfriend" ever laid a hand on you or punched you in the face I would personally drive to KY and kick his ass.  I am blessed to have Mike....Damnit your gonna make me get all misty eyed again....I truley am blessed because he has put up with alot of **** from me.   Again Rhondie, You are a good woman, you know what you deserve.  Helping a friend is one thing, enabling is another. I love you- :kiss::licks::love:

Love ya Lizzie.. I'm soo happy to hear that YOUR own drinking has stopped.. at least for TODAY I know you were/are battling also  so you give me hope.. I know that all the lies are just based around the addiction.  No one wants to admit they are f'ing up.. basically the addict will lie and say anything just so they are not found out.   Dan is a good man... like I posted below.. we just need our own space to find our paths to recovery.  At least we both are wanting the same thing.. it just taking him a little longer to get there.. I hope he finds his way after all is said and done. As someone once said.. "where I am.. is where I'm suppose to be.." hugss.. kisses.. love... and sorry I missed your call last nite.. I would of loved talking to you. but I got your number..

Sorry for your issues with your boyfriend. PROTECT your own sobriety at all costs. Drop your boyfriend like a hot potato before he drags you down with him. You are way to new in sobriety to help another struggling alcoholic. Take care of yourself FIRST. Maybe after some clean time you may be able to help but right now let it go. I only offer this advice based on my own experiences as a recovering alcoholic and the help I have tried to give others. God bless

Thank you for your response..   I'm not really looking to "help him".. at least in his addiction.. but am trying to help so that he has a place to go.. since he gave up his home to live with me a year ago.  I'm working out feelings on how to tolerate it and all that it brings (lies, heartache) while he deals with his addiction.  And you are right.. I must take care of myself FIRST...  us continuing to live together will NEVER work.. I don't want to be the one.. who's doubting everything he does and says.. or snoop or sneak in his personal stuff to see what was done today.  I need peace of mind and I will have that living by myself again.  I'm happy with the tought of him getting his own place.. and allow him to work thru his addiction and get his life inorder.. he's no help or asset to me (other than great friendship) when he can't even help himself.   I don't really want any commitment at this time..  just friendship.  It's just going to a little struggle until he does get a place here, because he will have to work thru HUD. thanks so much again

You know.... taking care of you and supporting the bf don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive. It is my belief that we are all on our own paths in life.  One of the greatest gifts we can give another person is accepting their chosen path, even though it may not correspond with what we'd want for them.  I'm saying that *I* personally had to go thru X, Y and Z to get where I am now - it was *my* path.  Parts of it were dark, but it was mine to follow - nobody elses. Have faith that the bf has his own higher power.  You don't have to cut him off completely, but you do need to detatch with love.  Let him follow his path.  You should follow yours.  Love him while you both do this - no harm in that at all. I'd just say that all bets are off right now.  There doesn't have to be long explanations or justifications - especially made from a place of disappointment or anger.   You have no power over his path.  You have no crystal ball into the future.  What you do have is a responsibility to be the best person that *you* can be.   As much as this hurts you, maybe it's part of YOUR path :-)   There are blessings and gifts in all things.  Nothing is coincidence. Just relax, release and re-adjust/re-focus.  Take care of you.  Codependency is just as unhealthy as active addiction.  You (and your higher power) can deal with your issues.  Let the BF and his HP deal with his.  Let him follow his path.  It's the greatest gift we can give another. love, Michelle

Thanks so much Michelle.. and I agree with you 100%.   As we stood outside the rehab that night I asked him.. are you sure YOU want this.. are you sure YOU don't want to go back home (WI) to family, friends, fishing, drinking, karaoking.. and he said no.. I wanted to move here.   I said but when you moved here.. you didn't know you would be having to give up drinking.  I said and sometimes that other life sounds funner than.. not drinking and working.  He said no again.. that he knew he couldn't continue drinking.   I just wanted to make sure he wasn't doing it for me.. that if this life is not really what he wants.. it's okay to have the other life.. altho I would worry about his health. 

Since writing the post.. I have talked to him several times during the day.. the other day.. when we talked.. I told him I love him.. and care for him, but I do not trust him.  I said his lying is the same as my ex with his *****nly his is alcohol.  He said he understood and then within the next sentence, he basically lied again about the extent of his drinking.. I knew he was in my heart, but went on.  Later.. after an AA meeting he called back to come clean on lying earlier.. and said he wants this for him.  I told him it didn't matter to me if he drank 2 weeks.. or all 3 months.. it was the fact he did.. and the lies to cover it up that hurts me.  He again says he understands.. and I know he does.. he's not stupid.. he knows in his mind/heart why I feel the way I do.. and that I have to work thru my feelings.. and I know he's human.. made an error.. and the best part.. want's to be better. That is why.. I think it very important that he works in getting his own place here.. that way he has the room to follow his path without me worrying.. snooping.. always being paranoid or getting angry.  We both need time apart living wise to follow our own paths....... not to say that we won't continue to love.. talk.. do things together.. support each other.  Perhaps we need to become better friends first and then see what happens..  Thanks again Michelle.. it helps to read others thoughts.. and to write my own down sometimes