Relapse..

Not for me.. but my boyfriend.  I have been sober since 11-17-06.. and he a week later.. he had to go inpatient rehab.. I didn't..  This past wednesday nite the bomb dropped.. he stated that he had relapse but is better.   However, after "stuff" coming out.. I believe he's been in relapse for quite a while.. and in denial.. and lying about it all.   He went back into rehab Saturday evening.. I am having major trust issues.. this is bringing back feelings I had when my ex-husband was addicted to PORN.. and lying.  Only now it's this one.. lying about his alcohol addiction.  I don't want to drink.. and I'm not worried about THAT for me.   I do love him.. and care for him.. but I do not TRUST him.  He went in to rehab because he wanted to.. and the alternative was to move back to his home state of WI.. not KY.  His living arrangements would not have been good.. if not even homeless.. altho maybe a family member would have taken him in until he could get settled else where.. I'm not sure.  I have told him that he can stay in my home until he is able to get into a subsidized apt..  he asked if there is a chance for us.. I told him possibly.. I wasn't promising anything.  Now.. I'm dealing with these trust issues..   Just looking for some insight.. helpful advice.. I'm not certain if I should reinstate that he and I may not be exclusive when he gets out..  now while he's new in rehab so he can deal with it there.. or wait until he's better... ??  should I call and talk to the nurses there... I've talked to him today and he noticed my tone was different than yesterday... I told him I was dealing with my own issues and thoughts.. and I was not ready to discuss them.  I especially didn't want to talk about it on the phone.. while I'm at work..  I would think if he stayed sober.. got a job.. and proved to me it all we could have a chance.. but I'm not sure if I will ever trust enough to live together.. it's only been a couple days for me to think about all this and I'm so confused. He has had WLS also.. we met on the Singles Board.. he moved here from WI a year ago this August.   Thank YOU all..

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, Rhonda.  My best suggestion would be to get to an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting and get some supportive insight from friends and family members who have been there and done that.  Trust is hard.  I kicked my son out of my house and would not let him live with me when he relapsed.  His dad did the same thing.  Took a lot of tough love, but he is clean now. Hang in there. Make time for yourself. hugs, Trish

I've told him before he made the decision to go in.. that he could not live with me any longer.. I had to look out for myself also.. but I did say he could stay there until we find him a subsidize(sp) apartment.  I must see him making improvements.. and that I was promising nothing..  he agreed to that.   I guess I'm just dealing with my own feelings and fears.. I was thinking about it all this morning.. and "panicked".. I just need to breath.. and see others advise.. Thank you for yours..  I need to take one day at a time also.. I guess.. and follow out what I want done too..   first step.. is to find the apt for him.. that will be my biggest relief at this time.. and go from there.. thanks..

Relapse is not easy but don't walk away from him. He probably needs you right now. Hugs Donna

you are right.. and if I'm not sure I can be there as a girlfriend.. I can at least be there as a friend.. but I do need to back away some.. and take some ME TIME.. I will let him know this too.  I've been there pretty much 24/7 for him.. he needs to start owning up too. thank YOU.. I just needed to see advise.. and think about this.

Well I'm going Relapse right now and it's not easy. My insurance won't pay much for it so I'm on my own with drugs. NOT GOOD!!! Mine is booze Hugs and hang in there Donna

sorry donna.. you hang in there too..  I give you much credit for at least owning it.. he was in denial until it was forced out by others... not that I guess there is a wrong or right way.. just that it happens and a person recovers from it.  Best wishes to YOU..  booze is ours also..

Donna, have you been to AA?  Try to get to a few meetings and ask for help.  That is how I got sober, no rehabs, just meetings, phone calls and lots of help from the people in AA. Hugs, Trish

Hugs to you Rhonda! YOU need to do whats best for Rhonda.  I agree with Trish on maybe attending an Al-Anon meeting.  Many years ago before I myself realized I had a problem, I went to AL-Anon to help me deal with some pending issues due to growing up with an alcoholic mother.  I did help. I wish you all the best!

Thank you.. I have gone to some ALANON when he went thru the first rehab.. and will probably go to a couple classes this thursday.. so he can come home sunday for a visit. I'm strugglin if I want to commit for the long haul... or not commit for a long term relationship especially while it's early.   I know we can always love the alcoholic.. (hell I'm one myself) but we don't have to like the actions.. and we do have choices.. especially if we want to take care our ourselves first.   I'm thinking I don't have to make this decision today tho..  one day at a time.. right.