classic codependent

well, i don't know if this is the appropriate forum to post this, but here goes:  i have been with my bf for almost 14 years. about half of that time he has had a pretty serious drinking problem. he went to rehab 3 years ago, and has really struggled with his addiction ever since, because he says he knows he doesn't want to drink, and doesn't like the consequences, etc, but sometimes, it get too hard for him to keep fighting the addiction that lives in his head. i hate the person he becomes when he drinks, and when he has been drinking, i stay away from home. i am a classic codependent, wanting to fix everything and stuglling to stay out of things that aren't my issues. it is just that some days, i get so frustrated and angry and tired of living with his issues, and just feel that there is no room for me. he has enough trouble caring for himself that he has nothing left over for me, and no rrom to comprehend how difficult it is to live with and love an addict. i have been working on my detachment skilss, and some day are good, and others not so good.  one basic difference between us is that, in my opinion, he chooses to go thru life feeling angry at everything and everyone, which in turn gives his addiction so much more power to control him, while i choose to see how abundantly blessed i really an, and try to just let god handle the rest. i guess iam rambling here, but sometimes it just gets so tiring to deal with every single day! thanks for your love and support, jamie

I can empathize with co-dependency big time.  Dad was an alcoholic and mom was bi-polar.  Lots of co-dependency in my house growing up.  Then, I had to deal with my own alcoholism and deal with constant criticism from my sister, who entered recovery before me and told me I was doing it all wrong, and my ex-husband, who hated me from the first day we married, My best suggestion for you is to try getting some help and support from Al-Anon.  They can help you learn how to detach, with love, from your boyfriend's alcoholism and issues.  It couldn't hurt to attend a few meetings and see what they are about.  The other suggestion would be to try some psychotherapy for yourself.  Being in a relationship with an alcoholic can twist the brain of any person.   Hugs, Trish

thank you, patricia, very much for you thoughtful reply.  i have some really great friends in recovery and have found a couple of alanon meetings in my area that i like. they therapy for myself is a really good suggestion, my only problem with that is that i am currently without medical insurance, and with 2 daughters in college, finances will be tight for a while. i know you are in this field, do you have any other suggestions for me? you are sure right about my brain feeling twisted-that is a thoughly accurate of how i feel most days. yesterday and this morning, his mood was really foul, and i just kept repeating to myself in my head, "his problem, not mine", but wow, it's rough! hugs back to you, jamie

A friend once recommended the book "Codependent No More."  I think the author was Melodie Beattie.  Her husband is an alcoholic and he has been sober in AA for a very long time now.   I don't know if there are any mental health clinics in your area, but sometimes they take clients on a sliding scale.  I work at one such facility part time.   Good luck.  It is a tough situation to be in. Hugs, Trish