since last week... wow

wow... so much has happened.  what do i say.  I had a melt down... from last saturday to monday,  I was pretty much drunk the whole time.  I some how... with the help of my family and friends... pulled through.  I went to an aa meeeting on tuesday.  But I dont like them.  I feel like there not for me.  So I called my surgen, and they suggested something different.  So on Monday I have to be evaluated.  I have go to "intenseive outpaitent therepy".  I didnt drink all week.  I didnt even crave a drin****il tonight.  Is it becuase its the weekend?  Or is it becuase my boyfriend broke up with me two weekes ago and I am trying to fill a void on a friday night.  I have been going to the gym everyday.  Eating healthier.  So whats the deal.  I just cant seem to be happy.  All I want is to be happy.

Yes.  Yes.  and Yes.  Weekends are very difficult times for alcoholics who are in early recovery.  There is a mental association with weekends and drinking for a lot of us.  Break-ups are also difficult times for people in early recovery.  It hurts and you don't want to hurt.  That makes perfect sense.   IOP, Intensive Outpatient Program is a terrific idea.  You can get a lot of support, and learn about your drinking behaviors.  I wish I had done that when I first got sober.  I did go to an IOP for my eating disorder.   I did not like AA meetings when I first got sober, in 1989.  It took me over a decade to find it was where I belonged.  I had over 8 years of sobriety, and went back out and drank.  I argued with my therapist for months about going back to AA.   Happiness, for me, cannot be based on my external environment.  I have to make it based on my inner peace, and my relationship with God.  My life sucks on most days.  I am not always able to keep the focus on God, and when I look at my crazy job, my crazy finances, my crazy mother, I just want to scream at times.  There is a line in the AA Big Book that talkes about accepting life on life's terms.  When I do that, I am happy.  My life might still suck, but I am okay with it.   Hugs, Trish

I work in the psychiatric field with substance abuse and our program foundation is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It is a cognitive type of therapy that would greatly assist you with managing some of your difficulties. Check it out online and see if there are programs with this focus in your area or any therapists that focus on this type of therapy.

Hey there - I just did some reading on this and I have to say it sounds like a great approach! Distress Tolerance, Zen principles, emotion regulation - I can see how partnered together, these approaches can really help those of us with self-abusing behavior patterns.  Thanks for sharing about this.  I love learning new things! I have a question for you.  In my reading, it seems that the emotion regulation portion of the therapy focuses on anxiety, depression, intense anger etc.  While I *do* suffer from anxiety (not so much now that I've been sober almost a year), and while upsetting events really *do* throw me off my proverbial apple cart, I'm one of those annoying optimist people.  I would say overall I'm happy and content 90% of the time, and when I'm not, I'm *REALLY* not - but it doesn't last more than a few days.  Of course, if I were to have been writing this one year ago, those measurements would be a bit different.   Anyhow, I'm curious if you think this is a good approach for somebody who is overall highly functioning and not prone to severe mood disorders?   At any rate, it sounds fascinating. Peace, Michelle

Hey Erin! I'm glad you talked to your doctor.  And I"m thrilled you're goign to an IOP program.  I hope you find value there! As mentioned before, AA is but one path to recovery.  The important thing is that you are seeking recovery. As for being happy, I'm going to tell you something that will annoy the crap out of you.  (well it annoyed the crap out of me when told to me at least) You are not happy because you are making decisions in your life that go opposite to what will make you happy.  You are self-sabotaging your own happiness.  We become happy by living by our principals, doing the right thing no matter what the cost, facing life with courage and hope,  treating others with love, and treating ourselves like diamonds, or goddesses.  We act ourselves into a new way of thinking instead of think ourselves into a new way of acting. I suggest you think only about the things you DO want.  Reaffirm them.  Focus on them.  Find ways you can be helpful to others.  And most importantly: Treat yourself as you would a beloved child.  You're worth it! and in answer to your questions - Trish nailed it.  Early sobriety is hard.  External cir****tances such as those you describe makes it harder.  You just have to endure.  You can do it! Sending love! Michelle

I would ABSOLUTELY recommend the DBT skills for ANYONE regardless of their history! One of the skills is being in the moment, who couldn't use practice staying present, focusing on what you are experiencing?  Think of how we overeat, if we were present in that momment instead of switching off and just automatically stuffing ourselves we would be aware of the taste/texture of food and enjoy it more, and we would be aware of our body signals when enough was enough. That is a great example of how applicable these techniques are.

I would like to learn more about DBT for my last addiction...FOOD!