Struggling tonight

Hi everyone, I couldn't attend the Debtors Anonymous meeting tonight.  I had a doctor's appointment that ran late. I am struggling with the food a lot tonight.  I am back to my old nibbling/snacking on the wrong things.  I acted out sexually yesterday.  This has been ongoing for a while now.  I can go for weeks, sometimes months, and then I get together with a guy I know just for sex.  We don't have any other relationship, and it is such an internal conflict for me.  It goes against my moral and religious beliefs.  It is almost an addiction. I just need some support.  Hugs, Trish

Suppport Fairy swooping in!

Boy do I empathize with you.  I look at my "isms" like a corrall full of 20 feral cats.  I get the alcohol cat tamed and trained to stay in the corrall, and while I'm busy doing that, 4 other cats escape.  So I go and gather those cats, only to return to find another 4 have escaped... ad infinitum.  My cats are alcohol, maraijuana, food, shopping, sex, compulsive behavior etc.  I feel as though I'll never have all the cats in the corrall at once.  (ps: I'm not even a cat person!  ;)  ) My spending is erratic, but at this point in my life, fairly non destructive if only because I'm making an insane amount of money compared to other times in my life.  All the bills are getting paid.  But boy am I guilty knowing what I could be saving or better things to do with the overflow.  AND I know that this might not always be the case, I'm not acting grateful, but more like a spoiled brat who feels they DESERVE to spend.  See?  I'm blessed and acting like a jackholio.  God should "smite" me, but for some reason he's cutting me a break. I've mentioned before I have a smilar "friend" as yours, and that one is really difficult too.  We do talk daily and have a friendship, but I've often referred to him like a drug and my sponsor even suggested I work the steps on him.  I am powerless over Steve and using him makes my life (emotions) unmanagable.  I hate that feeling I get when I "slip" and we end up sleeping together.  I've had two Steve slips since my sobriety date, and dammit, I want my Steve chips! I wouldn't say it's ALMOST an addiction, I'd say it's a symptom of my addiction. I'm not sure if you saw the HBO series on Addiction, but my sponsor brought me over the DVD set last week, and I watched evrey moment.  Being in your line of work, I know that you cognitively know that addicts become slaves to the dopamine/pleasure center in our brain.  Anything that gives us that rush is dangerous to us.  It's as compelling as the need to eat - that drive for pleasure.  Something in our brains gets miswired (or maybe it begins that way - who knows) and the game is on. I know I'm totally preaching to the choir here.  I often wonder if I'm going to be herding cats my whole life.  I suppose I will be just as a diabetic will be taking insulin their whole life. I'm sending you some good vibes - thinking of you.  I really admire you.  You inspire me. Love, Michelle

I appreciate that you are sharing with me. I may be the choir, but I feel so lost and lonely somtimes. I like being preached at when I get where I am right now. Sex, like the alcohol, does play with my dopamine stuff. What is worse is that this guy has shown me what I was missing during my 25 year marriage in terms of sexual pleasure. I have to get past this. thanks for sharing with me and being so honest. I need that so much right now, Hugs, Trish