scared and dont know what to do

my name is Erin.  I had my surgery almost 2 years ago.  When I went into my surgery, I was 300 pounds.  Now I am at 180.  And I have a problem.  I can not stop drinking.  I am pretty sure that I have drank every night for the last 8 months.  I dont know what to do.  I try to stop, but cant.  I usually wake up every morning with a bad hangover, and say I am not going to drink tonight.  But then I do of course.  I need help.  I am only 23, and I told my parents.  I gave them all my alchol, but then went out and bought some more.  I hide it from everyone.  At first, it was just to get myself to sleep.  Now I noticed that I am starting to drink as soon as I get home from work.  I have my own apartment, so its easy for me to hide everyting.  I am so sad  I just dont know what to do.  I am so scared.  I am ruining everything good in my life.  Any advice?  I would be very greatful.  Thank you

It sounds like you may need help detoxing to start off with.  I suggest you contact a rehab or hospital for medical help in stopping.  It can be dangerous to detox off alcohol without help.  I don't want to scare you, but that is reality.  Call your Primary Doctor for help in finding the right place for you to detox.  From there, you can get to a rehab, and they can give you the support you need to get started with recovery.   Be safe.  Praying for you. Hugs, Trish

Hey Erin,  You're in good company.  I too developed a problem with alcohol after surgery.  Mine culminated in a horrible accident (involving six other vehicles) and a dui.  I felt just like you feel now: scared, out of control, worried, ashamed and kind of desperate. I drug myself to an AA meeting with my tail between my legs.  I fought the idea for a long time - those AA's seemed so cult like to me, but I knew that many of them were able to get sober so I wanted to check it out.  It was the best thing I've ever done.  My first meeting was so frightening, but I look back and laugh now because nothing should have scared me more than staying out there drinking.  AA was a oasis in the storm.  You can get in touch with them just by looking up Alcoholics Anonymous in your local phone book, and they will point you to meetings in your area. That said, there are indeed many ways to recover.  I agree with Trish - detox is probably a good idea.  I had no idea what I was doing when I first got sober, and I found out later, that I could have really endangered myself by doing it on my own.  Detox centers have a great plethora of resources to point you towards staying sober after the initial phase too. AA has worked for me so far.  I'll celebrate one year sober in 3 months, and frankly, I wasn't sure I'd make it.  The neat thing about the program is that it's not just a bunch of freaks talking about their tribulations with drinking - it's a mental and spiritual "toolset" that arms me with what I need to keep from drinking today.  There are no rules, no "musts" and I've met some of the most amazing people and learned so much about myself. Here is a link to the book Alcoholics Anonymous.  I found myself in the pages of this book, even though it was written in the early 1900's!  http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm  I suggest you at least browse through a couple of the chapters at the very beginning and the very end (especially the doctors opinion).  I devoured my copy of the big book in the first week sober - it was amazing. Talk to your doctor or see a therapist to discover other methods of recovery.  You are definitely worth it.  I know you can do it. Hold your head high - you are doing the hard part - admitting the problem.  Any problem can be dealt with once it's identified!  Please email me anytime if you need to talk (I also use several IM programs).   I'm rooting for you! Michelle

Hi Erin... you are not alone.. I've been there also.. and now alcohol free for 6 months.  You have been given the advice you needed already here... you now just have to get the courage to follow-thru.  Probably one of the hardest steps was admitting it to yourself and then your parents.. so now should be the easy steps.  You and your parents will be relieved to know that you are taking the steps necessary for better health.. your life will not seem so full of turmoil once you obtain sobriety.  That is what I found for myself..  I found sanity and peace of mind.  You can too.. just take the babysteps of calling and reaching out for help to a medical source/counselor..  best wishes.. and keep us posted hugsss, Rhonda

thank you so much for all the advice.  I am not sure that I can do this.    My life is a mess right now.  And I am realizing more and more by the minut.  In fact, its 6:15 and I am drinking.  I am such loser.  I have lost my boyfriend and my friends.  I just cant handle this.  : ' (

You are NOT a loser, sweetie. You have a drinking problem. You know where and how to get help.  www.aa.org  Find a local meeting.....Try that for starters. I was where you are.  I couldn't wait to get home from work so I could have a drink. I used to want to get a drink at lunch to make it through the day. On weekends, I'd be drunk by 9:30 a.m. It wasn't long before I tried champagne in my cheerio's instead of milk.  If I can get clean and sober you can too. You have to hit rock bottom. Sounds like you're there. You're reaching out for a lifeline honey...YOU CAN DO THIS!!  I can tell you that there is NOTHING so fine as sobriety.   I used to pray to G-d for the strength to not drink this minute...this hour...this day...this week. It wasn't easy for me, but after 21 years of stringing those mintues, hours, days and weeks along it's the best decision I've EVER made for myself.  You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. We can point you in the right direction but YOU have to show up and ask for a sponsor and keep going and make the program work for you, and it DOES work.   In the meantime, this board is a safe place to unburden your feelings.  Marie

Hi Erin,

I too developed an out-of-control drinking/drug problem after my wls.  And I am an atheist, so going to AA seemed out of the question for me. 

But first I am concerned for how much you are drinking.  It sounds like you do need to go to detox.  You could have a seizure if you tried to just quit cold-turkey.  You can even drink all the way to the ER if you need to.  I did many times.  They can give you a three-day detox in a hospital.  Just go to your local ER.  And start there.  First get over the physical withdrawals and then go to AA meetings.  What?  You say....  Yes, AA meetings are great because they are FULL of people just like you and me.  They know how to stop drinking, and they can help you too.

I found that reading the Big Book helped me, and being with the AA people helped me so much in my early stage of recovery.  It helped me that so many people had gone through the exact same thing as I had.  Sneaking, lying, hiding, drinking first thing in the morning, or for days.  And we got through it, and so can you.  I would drink and read the personal stories in the second half of the big book.  And sometimes cry, and sometimes laugh.

They are just like you and me.  And most of them are kind and compassionate people.  I went to meetings for the first couple years until I felt I was able to stand on my own two feet.  I don't have a "higher power" belief, and I just can't buy that part of it.  I took responsibility for my drinking, and once I got clean and sober I only have myself to blame if I took another drink.  The meetings are comforting.  And I just decided that I would listen to what I needed.  Now if you do believe in a higher power....that will just make it more easy for you. 

You need help to get your body back in order.  I take my vitamins now, and take care of myself.  It was horrible what I went through, but now I am thankful that I did, because I am a much better person.  People can forgive and move on.  You have to forgive yourself, and move forward.

Keep coming back here and posting.  But for now, call your parents and ask them to take you to the ER.  You need to be under a medically supervised detox.