Another sleepless night so far

This is night #2 that I'm having a hell of a time getting to sleep. Usually, my lipitor and toprol help me sleep in a matter of minutes, but last night and tonight that just ain't happening. I'll try surfing again for a bit, reading and catching up on forums here and a few other sites but it's more of an imposition to NOT sleep. Part of me worries that my next addiction will be sex or connected to sexual activity to some degree. Part of me is so worried that I'll wind up transferring that its'as if I need to plan for it...so I'm somehow choosing it ahead of time? This is my sisters theory. Right now it sorta makes sense too. I've done and quit drinking and smoking...cant' quit eating (or I'm sure by now I would have), I'm not keen on making exercise my next obsession...(been there, done that, got  5lbs. protein powder) even though THAT is the one I really need to choose over all else. I wonder that I'm so worried about a sex addiction being the next one that I'm doing that self-fulfilled prophecy thing. So why is it I'm nearly *insisting* there'll even BE another one? Well, for one, I know my personality type. I am an addict and can easily become addicted to anything. That doesn't mean it has to happen though, right?? I'm in therapy now to try and avoid this train wreck....so far, I'm getting a lot out of my sessions. I see her again on Wednesday so we'll see what her thoughts are on this.  Sorry for the rant...I'm going to try and catch some shut eye (again). :) Marie

I hope you finally got some sleep, Marie. The reason you worry is because that's what we do. :-) One of the basic tenets the 12 step programs is to "Stay in the Now".  Projection is one of those things that get me every time.  I get a hangnail, and mentally, I'll have myself in the hospital with gangrene 3 months later on down the road.   My sponsor has some good advice here.  I'm aware that I sound like a lunatic when I'm taking it however.  Basically, I'm to verbally affirm what I'm doing RIGHT NOW when those future calamities enter my head:  "I'm driving, I'm driving, I'm driving"  "I'm cleaning my kitchen, cleaning my kitchen, cleaning my kitchen"  "I'm walking into the office... walking walking walking" It's common for me when I'm working on myself to want to forsee the future and be "prepared" for the next thing on my plate.  The fact however, is that I make myself nuts when I do that.  I have to set goals and make a plan, but be willing to only look at the part of the plan that involves TODAY. Stay in today.  Do the next right thing.  Deal with only what is in front of me.  Those are things that are so difficult for me. I think we might be kindred spirits there. (As addicts, do we become addicted to addiction itself?  ;-)  ) Sending love, hugs and "sleep vibes", Michelle

Michelle, You have SO hit the nail on the head here!  I got a bout 4.5 hours last night....not great,. but it's a start!  I DO make myself nuts too.....I call it spiralling. Odd, since I hate getting dizzy! LOL. I needed the reminder to stay in NOW...in TODAY.  Thank you for that!  I'm the type that needs plans 1-100 in place just in case plans A-Z collapse on me. I guess I'm a bit of a control freak. (a real shocker, I know! LOL)  Tonight is my W:LS meeting. Tomorrow is the AA women's Unity meeting. THAT is the one I'm really looking forward to!  I need more sleep, but for now I'll deal with coffee. Thank you so much for being there! I hope things with you are going well!! Hugs, Marie

I can relate, and have already done the sex thing to some extent.   The 12th step is the key to all of this.  We work all 12 steps and then really examine the part of the 12th that says, "Practice these principles in ALL of our affairs."  We must work the steps, do the inventories and make amends and remember that we have a Higher Power, I like to call Him God, and trust Him to give us the grace and strength to keep future addictions at bay.  Being rigorously honest in all of my dealings, and working through my feelings with prayer and meditation, helps me avoid the pitfalls of future addictions, or old addictive behaviors that may creep up.  Making meetings has really helped me too. Hope this makes sense. Hugs, Trish

Hi Trish,

I'm really excited because a dear friend of mine is sending me a copy of the 12 Steps! I can't wait to get the book. Somehow I never got myself another copy when I gave mine to my next door neighbor who wanted to stop drinking a few years ago.  :)  I'm so pumped to get the book!!!

It was G-d that gave me the strength to stop drinking...and smoking...and the ability to cope with the losses I've lived through. Today I feel confident I'll do ok and not get into something I don't really want to even start.  Thank you so much for your support!!  Hugs, Marie