Resentments

The AA Big Book says resentments can kill alcoholics; they'll get us drunk quicker than anything. How does one get over resentments?  Share with a sponsor/fellow AA, pray for the person place or thing you resent, explore your part in the situation. yeah yeah yeah all fine and good. I'm not going to get into all the details, but I will say that today, I'm struggling with anger and resentments.  The root of these is one of my own minor children (also ate up with the "isms") Because of his actions and my inability to control any of those, I am in danger of having my younger two kids removed from my home.  I am having to choose whether or not to work to support my family or stay home and focus 100% on making sure no criminal element enters my house (as it's been doing in afternoons while I've been working). The system has totally and dismally failed my son and me.  As a reward for practicing tough love and calling the police when my son was blatently using drugs in the back yard, I received a ticket because the dog got out in all the confusion and wasn't on a leash, and I receive a CPS case opened on me because of an unsafe environment for my younger two kids. If this child was an adult, he would be SOOOOOOOOO given the pink slip on his life and asked to get the @@@ out of my house.  He is 16, and that is not an option.  I've had him in military schools, treatment centers, even in YDC for a period of time.  He is on probation and recently got charged with tresspassing, felony theft of a motor vehicle, driving with a suspended license, and after calling the police (doing the right thing a t least I know that much), he didn't even get charged because all they found was remnants and a pipe. So - how does one handle resentments and "let go" when you cannot detatch to protect yourself, when you have to nurture and protect a child? I'm in a dark place.  I thank GOD for my sponsor who sat with me last night.  I'm still sober, and I am grateful. But boy am I pissed. love, Michelle

Michelle my heart goes out to you. I can't tell you what to do, but I CAN tell you what I did several years ago. There was a family member in my house who injured his younger sibling. I called the police when I was told of the incidents by my younger child an admission of guilt from the older one. My husband and I gave him the chance to restart/rebuild his life and never in a million years imagined he'd injure his younger sibling.  Whether or not your issue is about physical and emotional abuse against small children as mine was, or the potential for it....as a parent you want to protect them every way you can. I understand that.  It may come down to removing him from the house again. You know what addiction can do to a person, the hold it has. Whatever his reasons might be, he seems stuck in the hold of his 'drug of choice'.  And it's all about choice. He's choosing destructive behaviors over the welfare of his siblings. I can't make YOUR choice for you, but if you need to vent, scream, rant, whatever, I'm here to listen. Please feel free to email me from here if you like.  Hugs, Marie

Michelle, Boy do I understand that pain and anger.  When I got sober this time around, my son came home from college strung out on heroin.  I spent my own money, time and energy trying to get him the help he needed as well as lost thousands of dollars I can't afford on college tuition loans for classes he never completed.  I cried and cried for almost a year, praying he would stay clean and sober. The day after I began graduate school, he was arrested for possession.  I left him in prison, and threw him out of my apartment when he did come home after someone else bailed him out.  He is off heroin now, but boy can he drink.  Two rehabs haven't convinced him that alcohol is a drug. Unfortunately, you can't kick out a 16 year old.  Can someone else take legal custody of him?  Can CPS help you find him an appropriate living arrangement, like a residential treatment facilitiy, or group home?  I only ask because I work part time in a psychiatric hospital, and a lot of the adolescents end up in residential treatment facilities.   Don't give up trying to find him the best living arrangement.  Don't stop loving him in all of this.  It is possible to love our kids and set healthy boundaries concerning their behavior.   Your anger is understandable, but it won't solve the problem right now.  Calm, effective problem solving is the only thing you can do.  Contact the CPS social workers and make them help you find him an appropriate living arrangement for himself and your family.  If he is endangering your other children, or himself, there is always a psychiatric commitment for him.  It may be the last resort.

I talked to a friend this morning about a situaiton I'm still trying to get past. He suggested the only way to get past the resentment is to forgive. I'm having trouble with that one, so I can relate if you're feeling the same. I thnk Trish has the right idea here!  As for the forgiveness, maybe forgiving him for his bad choices is a start. Not an easy start, but the fact that you are still sober is proof of HOW STRONG YOU REALLY ARE!!! Marie You'll be in my prayers