Ashamed
Hi Trish,
It is one of the things that does bring us all together. We all have regrets for sure. I hurt everyone I love. But most of all it was about hurting me. I did stupid, stupid, stupid things under the influence. Extreme risk taking, and extreme actions. It's amazing I'm not in jail or dead.
What I had to do was stop hating myself.
I used to fill my head with "why me's?" and "I'm so stupid, jerk, crazy", etc...etc. What you say to yourself is so very important. It's a form of self-abuse. You have to forgive yourself, and move on. Don't worry about what others will think of you. They have to had walked in your shoes before you can listen to thier opinions. And since us other recovering addicts HAVE walked in your shoes you CAN listen to us. We all have this in common. We have done horible things to ourselves and those we love, and to complete strangers in the name of addiction. I too cringe to think about driving drunk behind the wheel. Insanity!
But I have moved on. I don't drive drunk now. I don't do anything drunk now. I learned. I learned from my mistakes. And I have grown. I am also still digging out from the financial wreckage. But that is nothing compaired to my children's love. I have that now. It took a couple years for them to trust me again. But they do.
Life is like the ocean....the sand can have foot prints in it, but the waves will smooth those footprints away with time. And that is how our lives can move on. We made mistakes. Forgive yourself and move forward. Don't worry about the haters and judgers. They are stuck in thier own pain. They are misrible, and they want everyone around them to be mirable too. Don't get sucked in. Be nice to yourself. Put an dollar in the basket to pay back past financial mistakes. Be kind to someone to give happiness. And most of all Be kind to yourself.
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