Finished with appointments, and I'm eating a path through Richmond!

This weekend, hell EVERY weekend, I bake and eat like there's no tomorrow. I spoke to a very close friend last night who MIGHT be having trouble with his g/f and baked a batch of sesame seed cookies because I hadn't heard from him.  As I'm eating cookie number five, I get a call from him and he tells me they're fine. Now I'm feeling guilty because I failed to get a handle on my stress and ATE five cookies. Not to mention I lose control on weekends as it is.  I'm petrified of the changes this surgery is going to mean for me.  I'm not even sure of what all of them ARE yet. Also part of me feels that since my file is up for approval and I'll be hearing about a surgery date fairly soon, I might as well enjoy this stuff now, because in a few months time I won't be able to eat this way again. Sigh...did anyone else feel this way? This "last meal/last resort", "panicking because you'll be forever changed" type of scared??  I HAVE done well w/not shopping and not drinking....that;s at least something! Marie

Dear Marie, God bless you...I hear your struggle and am right there along side of you, sister!  Even now....almost 7 months post surgery....I struggle with food addictions so bad!  True, I am unable to physically eat as much as I did before surgery....but the head hunger is still there, and it is possible to eat your way out of the benefits provided by the surgery.  I, too, ate everything in sight before my surgery...thinking that it would be my last fling (many of them!)  But I have seen people on here (OH Forum) who said their surgery was cancelled because they had gained weight between their last PCP visit and the surgery.  I don't even think my surgeon weighed me the day of surgery (at least not while I was conscious).  So that wasn't an issue for me.  But it may be for you, so please be careful about that (ask someone who knows your surgeons rules-or perhaps your already know).  But I do think I need to go see a counselor because I am still having such bad days.  I"m thankfully still losing weight (much slower now) because I continue to exercize, but I had among other things, a milkshake this weekend and oreos and so many other bad things that I'm not even supposed to be able to eat....but I can and do.  Today I'm trying to get a grip back on my eating.  So far, so good.  But it is such a daily struggle.  So you are NOT alone.  and the surgery does not cure that, unfortunately.  I think this forum helps alot!  Many of us are struggling right there along side of you.  Just take one day at a time!  Good luck to you. WK

I see a counsellor once a week for this and a few other issues and it really does help. I've stopped exercising completely. I used to be in the gym 6 days a week, had a totally regimented meal plan and leg pressed up to 500 pounds and loved it!  I've survived two heart attacks (three if you ask my doctor) but can't for the life of me find the motivation to get off my butt and MOVE again.  What keeps you motivated? How do you fire up your inner skinny chick to keep that momentum going?  I've gained a pound in the last month but know if I don't knock off the bad eating, it'll be a lot more next time!!  HELP!!?? Marie

I hear you and understand completely.  I called mine "Last Supper Syndrome."  What helped me was blogging on OH, and going to pre-op support group meetings.  I also had been through eating disorder treatment twice, so I had practiced healthy, sane eating and did that prior to surgery MINUS a treat each day.  My treat was either a hot fudge sundae or a chocolate milkshake.  I still exercised, so I was able to actually lose weight between my consult and the day of surgery.   I also find therapy and attendance at 12 step meetings very helpful.  I did Overeaters Anonymous for about 15 years.  There you will get plenty of support in not overeating, with or without the surgery.  You will also learn to deal with life on life's terms, and not use food for emotional binges.   Hang in there.   Hugs, Trish

Thanks Trish!  It might just be time for me to give OA a try. If I can successfully handle saving my life from death through alcoholism, I owe it to myself not to leave this stone unturned.  Thanks for the reply!! Marie

I am right there with you all. I just finished my 2nd month of doctor supervised diet. The first month I lost 51/2 lbs. but I am sure I gained it back plus this last month. I am in therapy for food issues. I use to go to OA many years ago but it just did not work for me the last couple of years. I also belong to Alanon because I am dealing with alcoholic sons. The same as me except I use food. I am so afraid that I will not conquer this problem before I get surgery. I will stay in therapy after surgery. Some how I need to learn how to nurture myself when I have my triggers (especially triggers with the A sons) instead of using food to comfort me. I am figuring out my triggers it is just handleing them a different way that is so hard. If you ever get the chance to watch a dvd called "Addiction...why can't they just stop?" it is very good in explaining addiction. It is a 4 dvd series from HBO. It is helping me to have compassion for my A sons in knowing that this is indeed a brain disease. I can relate it to my compulsive eating also. I pray that we can all get this under control in our lives and not be held hostage to this any longer. Gail