SHOPPING

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A COMPULSIVE SHOPPER (EVEN IN MY HEAVIER DAYS), I FOCUSED MORE ON PURSES AND SHOES AS THAT WAS WHAT WOULD FIT ME THE BEST BACK THEN, BUT NOW, I AM STILL THE SAME WITH THE PURSES AND THE SHOES, AS WELL AS THE CLOTHES. SINCE I LOST 112LBS AND DOWN TO A HEALTHY SIZE 4-6, I HAVE BEEN GOING CRAZY. I KEEP PROMISING MYSELF THAT I WILL STOP, BUT IT'S NOT WORKING. I KNOW THAT A LOT OF U READING THIS ARE STILL STRUGGLING WITH ALCHOLISM, AND KNOW HOW BAD IT IS FOR U, BELIEVE ME, I KNOW FROM BEING A FOOD ADDICT MOST OF MY LIFE. BUT PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT I AM FINALLY ADMITTING THAT I HAVE A TRUE PROBLEM. MY CLOSET HAS STRETCH MARKS FROM ALL MY PURCHASES AND I NEED TO STOP. I ACTUALLY DON'T NEED ANOTHER THING. MY HUBBY HAS ALWAYS BEEN OK ABOUT ME SHOPPING TO AN EXTENT, BUT IS NOW STARTING TO GET A LITTLE ANNOYED. I HAVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT THAT WHEN I BUY SOMETHING I WILL LEAVE IT IN MY CAR UNTIL I AM ABLE TO BRING IT INTO THE HOUSE THE NEXT DAY. YESTERDAY WE WENT OUT FOR THE DAY, AND I BOUGHT SOMETHING WHILE I WAS WITH HIM, HE WAS OK ABOUT IT IN A WAY, BUT I COULD ALSO FEEL THE GUILT.  I ACTUALLY NEVER THOUGHT I COULD ADMIT THIS AS I WANTED TO CONTINUE TO SHOP, BUT NOW I KNOW IT HAS TO STOP. THANKFULLY I AM NOT IN ANY DEBT AND INTEND NOT TO BE EITHER. I SAW THE OPRAH SHOW A WHILE BACK THAT TALKED ABOUT SWITCHING ADDICTIONS, NOW I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW THIS CAN HAPPEN. IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE THAT CAN ADVISE ME AS TO WHAT TO DO, I AM OPEN TO ANY SUGGESTIONS. BY THE WAY, I HAVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR MY EATING ADDICTION FOR MANY YEARS, SO THAT'S SOMETHING I ALREADY DO. BUT ANY OTHER ADVICE WOULD BE WELCOMED. IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WITH THIS HAPPENING TO THEM? THANKS.

Joanne, I have the same addiction. I've been sober 21 years now, and have transferred my addiction to shopping, binge baking from stress, impulse buying, (and eating) ...and I'm in debt partly because of it.  I'm not yet in a bankruptcy petition, and I'm doing my damndest NOT to get there. I'm still pre-op and seeing a counsellor for my food triggers. Stress used to make me eat. Now I bake, then eat some, give most away, but still feel guilty as ever...AND I buy things I don't need or really want.  For the longest time I was shopping like crazy on QVC, and anything online. I HATE the malls, because I am so damn ugly looking (to me only) that I don't wnat to be around people.  Online shopping has become my friend AND my enabler.  I'm wondering if printing out the 12 steps might help both of us. Not all may apply, but if you're trapped in a jail of your own making, it might help give you what you need to set yourself free. We did this to ourselvesl so owning it as you have done is a big step! Being aware is key...when you get ready to shop again, stop and ask yourlself if it's a necessary expense.  When I first stopped drinking, I refused to go to parties, weddings, even restaurants or pubs that served liquor. I was afraid I'd go to the ladies room by way of the bar and never want to leave. THAT'S how much of a hold booze had on me. For two years I kept myself out of those situations where I knew I'd be tempted. If I happened to be somewhere and booze 'showed up', I left.  I knew being trapped in the bottom of a bottle was NOT where or how I wnated to live my life.   If you're ready to stop, talk to your husnband about how you feel. It's scary to think an activity (drinking, shopping, drugs, etc) can overtake us. You can eventually, donate a lot of what you've amassed when you're ready and help someone who needs a new start.  Give yourself a pat on the back for being aware and wanting to find your next step!! Marie

I have been sober over 5 years, and credit card free a year and a half.  From the time my husband left me six years ago, till Fall 2005, I racked up $60,000 in credit card debt.  But, I was sober.  I also gained over 60 pounds during that time.  So, it is all addictions, food, alcohol, shopping, you name it.   It's good that your husband is understanding, to a point.  My ex hated my impulsive spending.   Hugs, Trish

Wow! I'm NOT alone!!!! I was beating myself up yesterday after a spending spree. I was bailed on by a couple of friends whom I was supposed to spend the day with and so I reacted by buying myself a few things. I was going to drink wine, but I promised myself I would not drink anymore until I go on vacation April 28. But I have been spending too much money, I need to save. Last week I really wanted to buy a car. -=db=-

Bravo for you and everyone else, for coming forward and addmitting you have an addiction.  I to have the same addiction.  And I can relate to everything you say.  Same thing, leave it in the car till my hubby goes to sleep and then bring it in the house.   My husband is tollerant of it.  However he does say, more clothes are coming in that going out.  Or should I say, more bags, and bigger shopping bags are coming in , and smaller bags are going out. I guess the first step is realizing that we have an addiction.  The 2nd step is what are we gonna do about it? If it is anything like "clean sweep" I guess it is to get control of our lives and closet again.   Now I can tell you about clean sweeping.  I did this to.   A couple of years back.  I held onto everything, from when my kids were small till they moved out.  It was for the grandchildren I would say.  Well I have grandchildren, and they don't want to play with those toys, they want the newer safer toys.  So I decided (with the help of my deceased mother) to get rid of everything.  Ever have to clean the house out of a deceased person?.  Man oh man.  I told myself, that I did not want my kids to have to go thru what I went thru.  So after I finnised cleaning up my mom's affairs, I decided to work on mine.   I got rid of old papers (taxes going back 30 years, warranties for things I no longer owned), things that were broken, that I thought I'd fix someday.  Furniture that was old, clothing, big time on that.  Nobody beleived me.  When my husband saw that I was serious, well he decided to do someting to, and cleaned his garage, he had parts from vehicles, he no longer knew what they belonged to.   When my children, seen me doing the clean sweep, they actually were proud, they had wanted us to do this along time ago but didn't know how to say it.  When it came time for them to move, they asked if I would help them.  My d-i-l is a pack rat.  She actually had the sweats, when she saw me throuwing her precious stuff away.  After the 2nd truck load, she had noooooooooo problem, ditching things.  She now does this on a regular basis.   However getting off track here.  Yes, now my addiction, is still the clothing, and I think by realizing we have it is the first step.  That and talking about it, helps. Hang tough, and if you come up with a solution.  Let me know.  I'm here for you. Susanna 

I can relate! It is where my addiction really lives. I have binge drank and been addicted to pain pills and eaten my way to 316# but the real problem is shopping. Always has been. Doing better recently as I am seriously uncomfortable with my acting out on it. I get so disgusted with myself. Laurie

Hi Laurie, Thanks for your reply, and I can only wish u lots of luck in trying. I have been trying, but only last thursday and friday I did buy myself a couple things, not much and not at all expensive, but it wasnt the money it was the fact that I still did it. I confessed to my husband.  On saturday night we were out to dinner by the beach in ft. lauderdale, and all I kept thinking about was the shops around me, but I confessed that to him also, which made it better for me for some reason. The feelings I had though were like the feeling before surgery, where I would be in a restaurant and obsessing over which desert I could have, then would have that paniky feeling of if I have the desert I will feel fat, unhappy and guilty. It's amazing how these addictions get to us. Anyway, today (monday) is a new day and I am going to stay away from the stores today and pray for help as I always do every morning with my recovery since WLS. Have a gr8 and addiction free day!! Regards Joanne