I'm back!

Hi all, I have been MIA for awhile. It has been a crazy time for me. My computer died but lots of stuff going on. I was struggling as I had a sponsee that was so ill and a sponsor who is melting down. I really had to detatch with love. Frankly,  I was having a hard time after Vicky Ang died too. She was the only consistant poster here when I found this site. I related to many of her posts. I felt freaked out because I am 50 yr old, I smoke, I drink coffee like crazy. I fight to get my protien in and forget my vitamins regularly. It is hard to know I do so much right but all the same I still make poor choices in some areas and it can kill me. today I just decided I really am passing blood in my stool and made a Dr appt. Why do I resist the idea? I have been an RN since 1977!!!!!! Well, no one can save my ass but me. I need to listen to that quiet voice and not tune it out. I was trying to find a good reason to leave NA but  I am not going to do it. Just think I need to start taking some action. Thanks for being here. Hugs, Laurie

Again...  I am so glad to see you..  I think of you often as well as Vickie and am grateful for all of the wise words and advise I have gotten from you both..  I am doing well.. Havent drank since 12/28/06 and actually feel like I am going to conquer this battle..   I wish you all the best at your Drs appt..

Thanks for the kind words and it is good to see your smiling face! You sound well.  I am so ocd! I got a new sewing machine one month ago and lost the manual. I have spent hours looking for it and I am fixated on it! I am so funny. I finally went on line and ordered a new one. Then I will find the original... oh well. It is computerized and I do not want to break it. Life is good and I am glad to be emerging from this merry go round I feel I have been on the last few months. Laurie

I am glad to see you as well.  I miss Vicki a lot as well.  She really tried hard to be a shining example here. I was diagnosed with an ulcer last week.  I can't give up my caffeine the way I need to.  I also struggle to get my protein in on some days.  I keep my vitamins with my morning meds, so I take them first thing.  I still struggle with the idea that I am worth the effort of taking care of myself.  I am also going to be 50 this year.  Living alone, and having my kids far away geographically can really play with my head some nights. Hugs, Trish

Hi Trish, I am glad to see you are still posting. I have missed you. I have struggled with staying in my 12 step group but in the end it has helped me so much I need to apply that principles before personalities and do the right thing! I usually stay away from drama ( haha addicts and no drama???? what am I saying????)  No way to avoid it recently but I just had to set my boundries and stick to it. So one day at a time I am doing it! Laurie

Hi Laurie! As addicts, we're greedy....what I think might work (for both of us, but its' easier said than done) is to get greedy FOR OURSELVES. I am in my 21st year of sobriety and all I can say is put YOU first!! Get another sponsor, do whatever you need to do for YOU to keep YOU healthy and strong!  Marie I don't know Vickie, but I read this board every day. I'ts become my online 'meeting' :)

HI Marie, I know what you mean! I am in the process of looking for a new sponsor. Mine is just so deep in her own situation  it is just not working. It is a challenge. Not  alot of women locally who have any significant clean time and many share my sponsor with me so THEY are in the same boat. I trust something will appear. I have a strong support group with in the fellowship tho so that helps. I stay plugged in to meetings, friends in recovery....I just had to detatch from the drama. I like your comment with your signature! I so get it! I have to be very careful with spending money, I am a true addict. Thanks for the reply. Laurie

It's good to hear from you again, Laurie. Old habits are hard to break and I'm grateful for this forum because of it. I miss Vicki too. I didn't know her all that well or anyone here for that matter, but you come to rely on people no matter how close you are. Once you're in my thoughts and prayers, you're in for life! That's just how I am. I pray for all of you on the OH Boards nightly, we are fighting for our lives and I'm just glad you guys keep coming back. It works! Amber