Feeling Inferior

I have not been able to get to a meeting in weeks, due to a crazy work schedule and other things cutting into my time.  Now, I am getting ready to have a baby shower for my daughter, and must meet her stepmother at this event.  This is something I have avoided for years, but this is the year of the family functions.  My daughter's baby shower is the first.  Then there will be a bridal shower for my son's fiancee, and then my son's wedding in September.   I feel so inferior to this woman.  She was never addicted, never in therapy and never obese, just to name a few of her finer features.  She has a successful career.  Most importantly, she has the man I married 31 years ago, and never wanted to divorce.  I feel like the biggest loser right now.   I just needed to post and get some support. Hugs, Trish

Support Fairy - zooming in and giving you a big hug. You are comparing apples and oranges, roses and orchids (both my favorite yet very different) etc. You gave birth to the kids - she didn't.  You have had to go through trials and struggles to become somebody VERY special who helps others immensely - she didn't.  YOU have the power to determine how you deal with this stressful situation - she doesn't. The only way to get thru HELL is to go running straight thru - don't stop.  Keep on planning, be polite, show the world what a total class act you truly are, even though it might suck while doing it.  These things will get easier in time.  Just focus on the baby shower, your daughter and your son.  Sometimes the best way to show love is to do what is uncomfortable for us. (I know you know all this, but you sounded like you could use hearing it) Sending you some strength and reassurance that you TRULY rock - way more than she does, I'm sure.  Your ES&H has helped me so much!  You're an awesome lady; don't ever forget it! love, Michelle

Thanks, Michelle.   I honestly can crumble at the thought of meeting this woman.  I am not letting it stop me from planning and inviting her.  I am sure it will be  a lovely occassion.  I appreciate your kind words.   Hugs, Trish

I read somewhere that we should be thankful for everything...  after thinking about this awhile.. I decided that I was thankful for my addiction... it puts me in a place where I can sympothize and understand where others with addictions are coming from.  I enjoy that richness of my life knowing that I'm not a snob who looks down on others.. and think of them as "those people"..  none of us are perfect.. I'm certain she has some skeletons hidden in her closet.. just embrace who you are knowing it's making you a richer person!!

You mentioned that you feel inferior.. but is it because she treats you that way.. or is she really a nice person.. and disregarding how you know her, you two may even like each other..??  Perhaps something that may even make her feel humble is if you actually were to tell her this.  That you feel inferior to her..    I know if someone said that to me.. I would feel so humble and would want to uplift THEM.. so that they did not feel that way.. not sure.. just saying!!

Hi, Thanks for your encouragement.  I have never even met this woman, and don't know what she is like.  My feelings of inferiority come from stuff my exhusband used to say about me, and my emotional problems and my weight and my alcoholism.   She RSVPd for the shower by e-mail and said she would be there.  I replied that I look forward to meeting her at the shower and am sure it will be a fun time for my daughter to visit with friends and family. I know this stuff is all my stinking thinking and not based in reality at all. Thanks again, Hugs, Trish PS.  I have gratitude for my issues.  I would not have gotten through graduate school and become a psychotherapist without having been through my own personal Hell.  I have great empathy for my clients.  I just doubt myself too much sometimes.

Trish,  Good for you for being able to so eloquently relay your thoughts on this issue.  That is the biggest step, because you voiced it. Its out.. its done.  You will be able to get through all of the family events.  Look at your personal quote -it reads this: God is who He says He is.  God can do what He says He can do.  I am who God says I am.  I can do all things through Christ.   You can and will get through this.  My hope is that may actually like this women should yo stop comparing yourself to her.  We are all perfectly imperfect, as we are children of god.  :)  Be good to yourself, be good to her, and most of all.. enjoy these precious moments with your family.  We are all here to support you!!!  Erica

Hi Erica, Thanks for reminding me of my faith in God.  My stinking thinking all too often gets in the way of my personal beliefs.  I need to slow down and work Step 11, prayer and meditation. thanks for the encouragement. Hugs, trish

Oh Dear Trisha,  Remember His promises to us dear child of God!  " Fear not, for I am with you.  Do not be dismayed, I am your God. I will strengthen you: I will help you: I will uphold you with My Victorious right Hand." Isaiah 41:10 - Now that is the love of our devoted father.  Also remember " Don't be afaraid, for I am with you." Isaiah 43:5 and finally " He will keep in perfect peace all those who trust in Him whose thoughts turn often to the Lord." Isaiah 26:3  Keep your eyes  and thoughts continually on Him Trish- don't focus on her. Also remember you are a new creation, the old has passed away.  You are an amazing woman and you don't have to succomb to the lies of the enemy and his ugly talk.   Hoping to encourage you, Kim M. 

Those verses are so precious to me.  I love the promises in the Old Testament.  My favorite is "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11.  God is the same yesterday, today and forever.   Thanks for reminding me of that. Hugs, Trish

This woman has NOTHING on you girl! You have a core of tungsten steel for having conquered your addictions!  You are an amazing woman. Because of your posts, I felt comfortable posting here too. I'm more comfy lurking, but seeing your raw honesty in your words helped me feel secure and self-confident enough to do the same. She's also not the kind to help others through the rough spots in life...YOU ARE.  Eleanor Roosevelt said that nobody can make you feel inferior unless you let them. She's not worth you feeling down on yourself.  You are a phenomenal woman..phenomenally! :)  Enjoy the day with your daughter.  Make HER your focus, and stay positive!  And thank you again for having my back and understanding so much of where we've been. NO ONE else can come close to understanding that! This road takes such courage and inner strength to walk! The next time you let her make you feel less than the amazing creature you are, remind yourself of just how much grit and determination and inner fire YOU HAVE. Because it takes a very strong and special woman to come through the hell you have! I'm proud of you...and I got YOUR back! :) xoxo Marie