Happy But Addicted: What??

Hello - this is my first post here. I am 34, married (happy), 2 kids (10 yo boy and 8 yo girl - both happy and doing great in school). I like my job, and the family is stable and loving. So . . . I had gastric bypass in June of 04. We moved to California from Ohio in August of 04 (not a lot of post-op follow-up, unfortunately - no resources for it in this tiny town). After about a year post-op, I started drinking daily. Started with a glass of wine every evening (we live in CA "wine country" now, so the idea is very pervasive). The quantity kept creeping up. Now, after 2.5 years post-op, I easily drink 2+ bottles every day, and usually do. My husband has confronted me about this twice. This past weekend was the worst. He is RIGHT, and worried, and I am too. My son can tell when I've been drinking. I feel so embarassed and ashamed - and confused. It's as if I went from being a binge eater to being a binge drinker. I NEVER had a problem with alcohol or drugs, etc. before. I was a light social drinker only - usually the designated driver! What in h*ll has happened to me? When I try to skip a night of drinking, I am shaking and twitchy all night. Can't sleep. I know I need to stop, but I have no idea how to do it. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I've never been abused. I have a happy life. I am so very lucky in so many ways. But, why am I doing this? Why now? How do I stop before I hurt my family even more? - Lisa

Hey Lisa~ Just wanted to send you some support. You have admitted the problem, so now is the time for action. AA is a VERY good start to recovery. It lets you know that you are NOT alone. My other suggestion is to speak to your PCP, Therapist...etc.. They are SO supportive and will help you with additional recovery options.. I wish you all the best!! Dana

Have you considered Rehab?

Hi Lisa! You came to the right place, and I very much admire your courage as shown in your post! Trying to figure out why won't get you anywhere. The how is easy. You stop the drinking one day at a time. One hour at a time, one minute at a time. In my AA home group, there are tons of very successful, happily married and generally happy people. There are also those who have been convicted of dui's, sent to rehab, lost everything etc. We are all the same. I for one believe that we have a genetic predispostion to alcoholism. However, since this group here also either is or was morbidly obese, I tend to think we are all a bit obsessive/compulsive. I know that *I* sure am! You do not have to keep drinking. You do not have to do it alone. AA (or other outpatient programs) can teach you the HOW - but honestly, the best answer is ONE DAY AT A TIME. The 12 steps has taught me so much about living - not just about not drinking. It's so important to have a support system. You don't have to have all the terrible things happen to you that have happened to others I know (including myself) due to our alcoholism. It is quite possible to dig yourself out of this hole. Feel free to email me if you'd like to talk. I suggest looking up Alcoholics Anonymous in your phone book. They can direct you to local meetings, send you some literature, TALK to you objectively. They really can help. So stop trying to figure out why. Step one is admitting to ourselves that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanagable. Mine sure was (sometimes still is)! Step two is about believing we cannot stop drinking on our own. Step one is the only one you have to do perfectly The rest can be re-worked and re-mastered as works for you! I'm sending you love! Michelle a GRATEFUL recovering alcoholic

I have the same problem and have discovered a website called Women for Sobriety that has been helpful to me. It stresses letting go of the past, thinking positively about ourselves, and it is a step program similar to AA. What I like about it is that it's internet based with weekly meetings. There homepage has some interesting reading on it and I'm finding that practicing what they suggest has worked well. It's a tough battle and I know exactly what you're going through - if you can get to your doctor and tell him (if you feel comfortable) what's going on he may also help with prescribing medication that can ease your cravings, make you ill if you consume, and, or help with the sleep. Hang in there you can overcome this.

If you are shaking, and having trouble sleeping without the alcohol, you might want to have a visit to your family doctor, or a psychiatrist, to get some help with meds to help you sleep without the alcohol. You also may need rehab or detox. Right now, the WHY question is not as important as you getting off the alcohol. There are many different support groups available for this. AA is the most prominent and convenient. They are everywhere. Women for Sobriety is also good, but not as available in some locales. There is also SMART Recovery, which is not everywhere, but a good program. The most successful in sobriety do it with social support. You may also want to consider therapy. Addiction switching is usually a sign that there is some underlying stuff that needs to be worked through. This is where you can find out the WHY question's answer. Ask your doctor for a referral. Good luck. You have taken the huge, important first step. You have admitted you have a problem and reached out for help. Hugs, Trish

Those 12 steps WORK Lisa! They truly do. I don't go regularly now, but it's wonderful knowing my lifeline and safety net is THERE for me when I need them. I went to a meeting (my first) and was shocked to know I knew HALF the ppl in the room! And it was a huge groupn too! There is a meeting in EVERY town, in most EVERY country around the world. Find one that you feel comfy in, and begin to learn how to live your life sober. For me, there is NOTHING as fine as sobriety. I wouldnt' trade it for anything in the world!! (and I mean that after 21 yrs with total honesty!)

Hi Lisa: The other posters are right. Give AA a try, if you are ready. By your description, I think I live in the same area as you do. (Wine and wine country has become my problem as well.) If you are looking for WLS support, there is a great WLS support group here on the Central Coast called Central Coast Life Savors. This is a wonderful, supportive group, where I believe that you will find others that have switched addicitons from food to alcohol, shopping, gambling and other things. This focus of this group is weight loss surgery support but it can be a place to start and get refocused either before you try AA or while you try AA. Only you can make that decision. There is a group that meets in Atascadero, San Luis Obispo and Arroyo Grande. Maybe, getting support with the surgery can help bring your drinking back to a social event and not a daily event. Good luck

Hi Lisa.. It's been a few days since you posted. I hope that the days have been good. You have received WONDERFUL advice from here. If you have already tried to stop and could not.. shakes and so forth.. then I recommend that you see your doctor and tell him EVERYTHING. He may recommend detox.. just to seperate you from the availability of alcohol.. until your body has a chance to heal so that you don't actually have to physically have a drink to get thru a day/evening. They also have medication available to help curb cravings... Don't be ashamed.. obviously your family already knows or suspect the addiction anyway. I am positive that they will only be happy and supportive of you receiving help. Feel free to look at my profile.. I had surgery in 2004 also.. I was a drinker as far as partying with friends before surgery... but after a year out from surgery, it progressed. It's a disease that only progresses with each drink and our internal system cannot accept the alcohol as it did before. So best to stop now. I admire your courage and I know you will find the strength to do this. You must ask for help tho.. like lossing weight.. and failing so often, it takes outside help from possibly a doctor or at least AA. AA is not like I ever imaginged it to be.. the people there are soooo normal.. everyday folks.. like yourself. They only wish to not drink.. and by offering their support they help others and themselves. I've not been to an AA meeting yet without feeling motivated and inspiried.. and only wanting to return again!! Best wishes.. and please keep us posted