I need help on this issue!!!!

I am not an alcoholic but I am the adult child of one and the mother of 2. My addiction is food and compulsive eating. I am a member of Alanon which has done so much for me in letting go of my A children. Father is dead. Here is my issue.....I am considering WLS. I will go to my information session on the 24th of this month. I read so much about the comittment you need to make when you have the surgery. If I was able to make that kind of comittment....would I even be here? It is so confusing to me. If I have to be on a medically supervised diet before surgery and I lose weight...why would I need the surgery. The problem has ALWAYS been that I could never stay on a diet. That is how I have become 100 lbs overweight. I guess I am so fearful that I will fail with the WLS. I am trying to apply the 12 steps of recovery in Alanon to my addiction with food. I am on anti-depressants supervised by a phychiatrist and I see a therapist to try and work through my issues with food. I tried Overeaters Anonymous in the past and that did not work for me the way Alanon works in my life. So my dilema is this....Is this surgery an answer for me or am I just not ready for it? I know that on one can tell me if I am ready or not but maybe you could share some experiences with me concerning addiction and WLS. Sorry this is so long but I am doing everything I can to research this and make sure I should go through with it. Thanks...Gail

Hello Gail, I can't offer you any advice, I can only tell you why/how I came to have WLS. I'm 49 years old. I have tried EVERY diet there is. So far this is the only thing that has worked for me. I could stay on a diet and lose up to 80 pounds, but then gain it back plus more. A little something that you should know. This surgery does NOT work for everyone. I know people don't talk about it much here, but it is true. I have been going to WLS meetings, and have met people that never lose enough to get to goal weight. I have also met people that have managed to gain EVERYTHING they lost. This surgery is a TOOL. It helps to focus on a life style....not a diet. You must eat properly and you must exercise daily. I am one of the unlucky ones that CAN eat sugar. I can eat 2 cups of food at a sitting (not good). I'm lucky that I don't have any complications, but this is not the easy softer way that people think. If you have this surgery...you WILL WORK FOR IT. I don't know if this helps, but this is my story. DarDar

I tried eating disorder treatment for two months last year. I lost weight and learned coping skills for the urge to overeat. I did not gain back my weight, but decided I wanted to make the total change once and for all. When I did the research, I learned all the things I would be giving up: diet soda, sugar, bingeing, sugar, seltzer water, sugar, etc. I prayed about it and decided that I had eaten all the wrong things, the wrong way enough for twenty people at some point in my life. I became willing to make those lifestyle changes, and work on myself inside and out. I am almost five months out, and I am doing okay with my weight loss. Could be better, but I am not giving up. I recently joined a gym and am now working out. I will not try sugar, though at times I am tempted. I don't want to find out if I am one of the ones who can eat it. I can eat more than a cup, which discourages me. This is a decision you have to make for yourself. Research what you will have to change, and pray about if you are willing to make those changes over the long haul. Hugs, Trish

Gail, losing the weight has been such a rewarding experience. I still have at least 20-25 pounds more to go, but I could never have made it here any other way and I had tried many ways. I did go to therapy before wls, but no one ever mentioned trading addictions. I never gave it any thought. So, when situations starting showing up post-op I was totally shocked. You however, are ahead of the game because you know the possibility exsists and you are trying to find ways to deal with it such as ALanon, medication and therapist. You will know when the surgery is right for you. I prayed and prayed and researched for well over a year before commiting to this major lifestyle change. It is a huge change in the way you will eat, but to me it is so worth it. Kim M.

Hi Gail, I can't offer you an answer on whether or not to have this done. I can tell you my issues, though. I'm in recovery 21 yrs., I shop, eat and spend too much. I'm a type I diabetic with 2 heart attacks in my recent past. A year ago I was told I should have a gastric bypass. I refused and said I wanted to try one more diet (hoo-boy) with exercise and prove to myself that either I could or couldn't lose it the conventional way. I GAINED another 25 on top of the 75 extra pounds already on my frame. People gain it from meds, genes, habits, whatever. I've found it's no magic wand from the research I've done, here and on other sites. It's what my surgeon told me it is...a tool. A way to help me relearn to eat in the right ways, right portions, & at the right times. I've started therapy to learn my food triggers, because as I've told my shrink, THOSE wont' magically disappear just because I'm getting my gut spliced! This is a stepping stone for me, and a chance to save my health and my life. I HOPE I won't be able to eat sugar and fat...I just have the feeling I will. I plan to try my hardest to NOT sabotage my efforts. This surgery is far more that a pill or a plan. In 20 plus years nothing else has worked for me, not diet, not three years of weight lifting, diet pills, shakes...none of it. This is my last shot at a longer life. That is MY reason for doing this. I hope you continue your research, this site and a few others like it have saved me! I was so filled with anxiety when my second initial consult came around. I'm afraid to have it but more afraid NOT to...I know I'll be fine. I've a great team of doctors, faith in each of them, and faith that this is the right choice for me. Please let me know which way you choose. Marie

Gail, I like yourself am from a family with an alcoholic father, i have just started reading a very helpful book called " Perfect Daughter" or a perfect daughter, i feel like the book was written after my thoughts and feelings. I hope you can check it out, i can now relate that i am not the only daughter who feels the way i do, Low self esteem, always wanting things to be ok with the family, keeping secrets about how my family was really normal, all of these things and so many more i have never been able to understand, like always feeling as if something was/is missing in my life/seeking approval from my dad. ( he is no longer using). along with my therapist, and WFS meetings, and support from the OH group, i am really starting to work on the inside of me. Getting rid of the negative thoughts and triggers for why i used food to feed my emotions. Like everyone has said, you will know if and when the time is right for you, for surgery. I have lost over 130lbs and my only regret is that i should have worked more on myself the inside of me along time ago. Peace, Kim D

Hi Gail, I have been looking through the forums and since I have a great deal of experience with a brother (alcoholic/drug addict) and other loved ones, I decided to read a few posts.   I too was considered an adult child of an alcoholic even though neither of my parents were alcoholics.  I was a top notch co-dependent and went above the call of duty trying to get my father's approval.  After much work I am better. I could be wrong but I don't remember anyone that went on the medically supervised diet before surgery that lost it all.  It is part of the process to be approved for some insurance companies.   I started my first diet in the 4th grade.  I've been on them all and after 30 years of  I was finally freed from the prison of obesity.  I would have bet big money that I would fail too but I didn't.  As far as I'm concerned, the work I must do to maintain my weight loss is not as hard as all those diets I was on that failed me.  Yes, it is a tool but I believe it is a miracle tool and I treated it as such.  This was my last hope...I respected that and put everything I had left into making this work. I would suggest that you find a support group and be very active in it.  Psychiatrists and therapists can help you work through the problems in your head but support groups can offer insight into the things you deal with as a WLS patient, My biggest issue always is fighting that low self esteem that I acquired over 30 years so it's not something that will disappear just because the weight went away.  You have obviously dealt with some tough stuff and I wish you the best. hugs, Y