I'm new here - but not new to problems....hoping for support

Hi - I'm Ann Marie, 46, married, 2 school age boys, 3 yrs post op RNY & have gained back all of my weight almost entirely due to drinking. I am so embarrassed to be around anyone who knew about my surgery - they were all supporting me. NONE of them (except my husband) know that I have a drinking problem. I have drank for 30 years but it didn't really get BAD until the past 10-15 years. Plus I was a stay-at-home drink-at-night kind of drunk - just drank myself to oblivion, popped a sleeping pill and would crash for the night. I don't know who I thought I was kidding when I had the surgery - I had hoped it would be a way "out" of my drinking habit, but unfortunately I have a strong stomach/pouch & had slowly been able to increase my consumption. On top of it all I only drank White Russions (Kahlua, Vodka, Milk) - soooo high in calories. For the past 2 years I have followed no particular diet - just ate when I was hungry - and never ate very much. Everyone says I eat like a bird and they're confused about why I've gained the weight back. The good news is that I had my last drink 3 nights ago (Dec. 30) - because I woke up on New Years Eve morning and said to myself that I don't want to drink anymore. I went to an AA meeting that night and the next night. I couldn't get out tonight but I didn't drink. I'm hoping someone out there can relate to my story - it's like a double whammy to me - I feel like I've let myself & my family & friends down because of the drinking and the failure of the surgery. Thanks for any input.

Welcome AnnMarie ~ I am so sorry for your struggles and want to send you many hugs and let you know that you are NOT alone. AA is a very good start to the road to recovery, however my therapist had recommended, for me, another source of help. Do you have a therapist? There are MANY out there that focus on addiction therapy and can recommend the right path of recovery for you. I wish you all the best! Dana

Hi AnnMarie!! I'm glad for you that you've chosen not to drink anymore! I have to say I can relate to your story. I stopped drinking 21 yrs ago. (this is my 21st year!) Be kind to yourself and find other things to keep your mind occupied! Can you talk to your doctor about what you can do next? You'll be in my thoughts and prayers! Marie

Glad to meet you AnnMarie! Welcome to the forum. I only have one suggestion at this time. Can you try to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I have over a year and a half and I still go to meetings on a regular basis. Hang in there! DarDar

Congratulations AnnMarie for choosing to not drink.. having the courage to change your life is very admirable. I'm glad you found AA and hope that you continue.. they are an awesome support group. Also.. perhaps along with stop drinking you can still work on weightloss.. you still have the tool.. so perhaps by changing one addictive behavior, you can also help yourself to lose weight once again also. Anyway... I just wanted to welcome you to the board.. and say keep up the excellent choices and to keep acting on those choices. hugs, Rhonda

Hi and Welcome to the journey of recovery. I drank for years, off and on. At home, alone. When I first came to AA, I got sober after a few rocky starts and stayed sober for over 8 years. I gave up on myself and started drinking again for a few years, but came back to AA in 2001. I suggest you seek therapy to augment your recovery. It could help you in so many ways. I have been in therapy, long before my WLS. Post anytime. Hugs, Trish

A big "Thank You!" to all that responded. I will take all your suggestions into consideration. I hope I continue with this better lifestyle - I feel kind of proud and even a bit surprised that I haven't drank in 4 days; it may not seem like much to most people, but it's an accomplishment for me. However, I do know that I should only look at things "one day at a time". I'm battling with myself about the therapy issue - I actually see a psychiatrist every 2 months because I have been on an anti-depressant for many years. However, I have never been honest with him at all about my drinking. I just don't know if I have the courage to tell him that I've been lying about it all along. As far as the AA meetings go, I will try to get to as many as I can (it's hard with 2 kids, homework, working full time, etc. etc.) - but I do plan on joining a group within the next few days. Again, thanks to all - keep up the good work!

I just wanted to add that I too am seeing someone for the same reasons as you. At our last visit I finally felt the guts to "fess up" and he was more than helpful. I wish you all the best..