I am embarassed, pissed and hurt

I let myself down. The old compulsive overeater flared today and for the life of me I cannot figure out why. I am embarassed, hurt and pissed! And probably a few other things I've stuffed. A student gave me home made candy. From the moment it touched my hands (and I let it!) I KNEW I wasn't going to do the right thing. I KNEW IT! I went straight to my desk. "Hid" it in a drawer. ALL FREAKIN MORNING I thought about it. I refused to do the right thing. Why didn't I refuse it? Tra**** Give it away? ANYTHING? I "snuck" a piece in my mouth around 10. At 2 I SHOVED the remaining three in mouth. I looked around for witnesses. Sick. Sick. Ok. Rant over. I sit here sipping the remainder of my water (I'm trying to "recover" from my error evidently!) and I am flooded with emotion. I'm scared this was the tip of the iceberg. I have to take the right step next. I have no meeting to attend until Saturday morning. I have one friend from program I can call and will. Thanks for letting me post.

Hi, Boy can I relate. I'm still pre-op. But, trying to get a grip on some of the emotional eating issues I have. Everything you described...I have soooooooo been there. But, you can recover from this. Somebody once told me, "You made a mistake, you AREN'T a mistake". Try to shake it off. You can get through it. It was only one day and one mistake. It doesn't have to be the domino effect. Hang in there! Hugs, Dena

Thanks Dena. I like the mistake idea. I better hold onto that one today! The domino effect is exactly what is scaring me today. In the past, I would have just rolled with it and kept eating. It is very important that I do not do that today and I do do the things I committed to...calling my friend from program, calling my husband if I feel it coming on again, taking care of myself and praying. Thanks again.

Peggy, I feel your pain too. I do things like this at times. I fear it will turn on a switch that I cannot turn off. I have to apply my recovery to food issues like anything else. Laurie

Thanks Laurie. The switch is real, I fear it too. Good to know I'm not alone.

Thanks Amber, your response and prayer mean a lot.

Peggy, How you doing today? Just wanted to let you know you've got support and prayers coming your way! Hugs, Dena

Hi Peggy, Boy, do I remember feeling just like you described. I have been doing okay since my surgery in August, but I am still tempted. I do overeat on carbs sometimes, but I have not crossed into sugar yet. I am terrified of that. Like I learned in AA and in OA, shake it off, and learn from it. A slip is a slip, and you don't have to make it into anything bigger if you don't want to. Hugs, Trish

I am just educating myself on WLS and have an appointment for my information session on 1/24. I am so afraid of this very issue. Also, my hubby keeps saying that if I do not change the problem that made me this way, I am just going to gain the weight back. Is he right? I really cannot stop eating compulsively. What makes me think I will be able to do it after surgery. If I could do it......I would not need surgery....right? I have alot of alcoholism in my family...one being my son. I am a member of Alanon and that is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I belong to an online group too. That is the best because I can be involved anytime, night or day. If anyone would like that website I can give it to you. It is also for AA, ACA, NA...and several more. I don't think I would have made it through this past year without it. It looks like I have alot of soul searching before I really go through with surgery. I am going to go to the information session and learn as much as I can. I am working with a psychiatrist to get my medications regulated for depression and a therapist (who also has compulsive eating issues) on a more regular basis. I wish you all well in this new year and hope that you can find peace with all your issues around WLS and addiction. Love...Gail