Families anonymous

I went to a FA meeting the other night for the first time. I liked it a lot. My husband has a drug addiction and it is really taking a toll on our lives. I posted the other day that he was rehab for 3 weeks and been home now for a month. He relaspsed one day last week. He has gotten a sponsor and is still going to his meetings every night. I am not 100% sure but I have a gut feeling he is still using. I guess it is a trust issue. My question to someone who is an addict.......do you think he would "use" and still go to meetings?

It is possible for an addict/alcoholic to still use and go to meetings. I did that for a while. I know plenty of people who did. The danger comes when he no longer attends meetings. We have a saying in the meetings: Let Go and Let God. In order for you to stay sane, you are going to have to take your focus off your husband and his drug problem and put it on yourself and your sanity. Let go of it, and give it to God. God is better able to handle this situation than any of us mortals. Trust is a big issue. When my son had his heroin addiction, I didn't trust him at all. Hugs, Trish

How did you start to just your son again? I am finding it so hard to let it go. I know I have to but I keep thinking I can fix this and I know that I can't. He is still going to his meetings so I guess that is a good sign. I want to go to an open meeting with him but he does not want me there. I know you mentioned that your son still drinks is that ok?

I still drank the first few weeks I went to meetings. The more I went the less I wanted to and the more uncomfortable I was with myself. So I gave it up and have not had a drink since 7/4/04. You have no reason to trust him but you cannot control it either. Time will tell. Take care of you now. He has to do the same for himself. My best wishes. Laurie

It is so hard not to worry. I know I have no control over it but it does not make it any easier. Congrats on your recovery! PS - I have family that lives near you......Niceville. I love the beaches down there.

Lisa, Yes, I love it here the beaches are THE BEST! In addition to everything else I too am a codependant. I know better than you can know how youfeel. I have made dealing with this a major part of my recovery. After over two years I seem to have some peace but I still tend to go there and have to use my tools to not cave to the desire to fix others. It is learning new behavior and realizing the rewards are not there anymore. It is my opinion that codependancy is another form of addiction. A coping mechanism that does not work. Keep working on you just like you want hubby to work on him. I saw a show on addiction last night. They said addicts whose families go to Al anon or Naranon have better success kicking it so if that is true you are not only helping you you ARE supporting him. You can provide an atmosphere of recovery in the home for all of you. Hugs, Laurie

From my research in grad school, and my experience in AA, I believe it is not okay for my son to drink. That said, I have done all I can to convince him of the dangers of him relapsing and needing rehab again. That said, I am trusting God for my son's protection. Trusting him took years of him not living with me, and him getting a decent job and going back to college again. He now lives 300 miles away and is working a decent job and plans to go to college part time. What upsets me the most is that his father serves him alcohol when he goes to his house. His father never allowed alcohol to be in our home when we were together, and now that he is remarried, his wife drinks wine and they serve it to my boys. My ex does not understand the dangers, and/or is in denial that my son really is an addict. He just thinks he had a drug problem and got over it. The more you work on yourself and taking care of you, the easier it will be to let go. Hugs, Trish