A day in the life of me...

Today is day 2 of no Alchy. HOORAY FOR ME! I spent last night putting up all of the christmas decorations inside...I can't wait to go home and look at them. I'm feeling as tho my mental fog is lifting a tad. This is a good thing. I've done this before...not drinking...I used to go to the bars and totally drink water. Seriously drink water. I can do this. I have faith in myself. Not much right now, but I know there is a light at the end of my tunnel. I know what my problems are, I just need to fix them. Not half ass fix them either. I made a freggin checklist of things, places,and people to stay away from to get through this wishy washy time. I realized there are 2 people who will actually be there for me. God Bless Andrea, she's been my best friend for over 25 years I know she would do anything for me. Michael, God bless his soul. Some don't want to hear how good he truley is to me. But Jesus man....I've pulled some ****** up **** the past almost 3 years I've known him and he's stuck by my side through all of it. It was an unconditional friendship...and now it's unconditional love. Even in my drunken escapades. My list also made me realize A) I don't trust myself. B) I don't trust alot of people due to lack of support I recieve. Sure sure...they say oh cool liz...good for you, we can go to the mall or go to the movies or some other ****** bull**** when in reality, those same people call me and say....Come over Missy wants to get drunk. Dude....c'mon man. It's people like that, I have no problem cutting out of my life until I get this under control. It's nearly embarrasing to know that the majority of my 'friends' see me as the big drunk...the one who can't handle my alcohol. It's embarrasing when those same friends tell stories of how "remember when Liz got so drunk she puked on the sidewalk" Or "Remember when liz passed out and we thought she was dead" dude the stories are endless, and I don't want to be that person anymore. Like a born again Christian or some ****a born again non-alcoholic...Is that possible? Life was so much easier when I could just down a bag of doritoes, down a whole bag of oreo's, eat a super sized fries from mcdonalds...eat a tub of icecream. *sigh* Now I get more violently ill eating **** food than drinking alcohol. I'm substituting food with alchohol. Haha...some of you won't/can't understand. It's a hard thing. And I realized a few weeks back I need help. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, one decision at a time.

In some ways, life was easier when we could numb our feelings with food and alcohol. But, life sucks sometimes, and I must live it sober and without food. I must feel the feelings and learn to work through them with copind skills that I was not taught as a child. Normal people learn to self-soothe when they are children. I did not. Since being in therapy and going to AA, I have learned to self-soothe and not eat, drink or act out my negative feelings. You know what? My feelings don't kill me, they just suck sometimes. I am okay when it is all said and done. And the good news is, I don't have to feel ashamed of myself the next day. Hang in there. Life is good. There is life without food and alcohol. Hugs, Trish

Congrats! Realizing what is happening is such an important step. You can do this. If you do not have a support group, find one! Checking in here is one of the many ways I stay accountable. It seems overwhelming when I think of a lifetime of working on me but one day at a time I can do it. Hugs, Laurie

Lizzie...luv ya sweet tits.. poppa and I are joining you on the boat of sobriety we can do it!!! We have made that decision and now will do what we HAVE to, to make it work.. I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.. There has to be more to life than a drunken moment that's not remembered anyway as the song says... I'm planning on remembering the Next 40 YEARS ... Keep in touch hun and I will gladly fill you in on more details.. IF WE DON'T MAKE OURSELVES HAPPY...NO ONE ELSE IS.. ALWAYS..