Whoa - Life on Life's Terms

Good morning all. I'm letting you know I'm still here and I'm still sober - woohooo! I picked up a 30 day chip at the meeting last Sat night. I've done about 40 meetings in 30 days, and THANK GOD. My 16 y/o tried to kill himself on Tuesday. He took ALL my wellbutrin AND lexapro (I'd just gotten them both refilled for 30 days). I'm not having an EASY time with this, but I can't imagine how I'd be dealing without my "spirtual toolbox" (which is somewhat hand-me-down at this time - being an AA newbie and all). I'm amazed at the support I've gotten from my home group and my adopted sponsor. Wow. I attended an AlAnon meeting yesterday. I'm having a hard time figuring out what is a healthy way to deal with my son, and I definitely got something from the meeting and will "keep coming back" to those also. I'm still unemployed, but getting some assistance from my church, unemployment and dfcs right now. I'm beginning to believe that God's will is NOT for me to continue in my career path. He is showing me how much my kids need me. I'm considering a small career change - going into business for myself here in my small town doing PC tutoring, repair, small scale website design, networking etc. I've been researching and it would definitely get me out of the house, but let me be here for my kids too. I'm praying about it and praying for God to reveal His will. Trish - definitely each "next right thing" I do brings more wonderful Godly people into my life. This cannot be coincidence. I wanted to drink Wednesday so badly I could taste it, and you knwo what? Some ladies from the group just innately KNEW - they took turns staying with me all day. Dang that's impressive. AND I didn't do it! I'm still sober. I realize my sobriety is LIFE AND DEATH and has to come first - wow this Letting Go stuff.. I guess I have to let go of my son some too. So we go to court this morning for his new battery charge. His PO arranged this fast court date so we can get him some court mandated counseling. THANK GOD. Love you all and hope you're hanging in there! Michelle (aka Dana C - the grateful in spite of it all alcohlic)

Michelle, you need to be congratulated on your positive and realistic outlook. Seriously. I hope that things get better for your son and that he is alright. Congratulations on your chip. Keep up the good fight. -Brett

Michelle- Congratulations on your progress! I am well aware of all you are dealing with and think you are doing well. Sounds like you are tapped into some good people and working with your HP! Keeping you in my thiughts and prayers. Laurie

Michelle, When I was newly sober, my youngest was 19, and was doing heroin. I was a wreck, but I did not drink. How would that help my son if I got wasted? You are doing the right thing, as much as it hurts and is difficult. You are taking care of yourself, because if you don't, who will be there to help your son through his difficulties? It sounds like you are also doing some effective problem solving with the career decisions. Keep up the good work. Hugs, Trish

Hey Michelle ~ Just wanted you to know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that your son gets the help he needs to see that life is worth living. You are doing so good and have a great outlook. I wish you all the best on your career path. It sounds like a new and exciting opportunity. I, myself, seem to be on a slippery slope. For the last couple of weeks I have been in a "WHO CARES, WHY NOT" mode. Stressers at work and that I got married last week and sent me sliding. Randy is not much of a drinker and he has made mention to my slip. Where did my strength go? I havent gone to meetings for the last couple of weeks and I need to. I am so ashamed and embarassed. Lord give me strength!! My apologies for noting this on your post. Dana J

(((GREAT BIG HUGS))) You owe me no apology - in fact, I owe YOU a big thank you for giving me an opportunity to tell you how much I appreciate you for your awesome support for me. Dana - from one Dana to another (Michelle is an internet name - my middle name actually), I know how difficult it is, and I know how that one drink leads to several more. You are not a failure as long as you have a new chance each day. Get thou behind to a meeting - you know you'll be welcomed with open arms! I found a great online AA meeting (stayingcyber.org). Try the early sobriety forum. I find these are AWESOME supplements to face to face meetings. Maybe you could try that. From the Promises: "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has THOUROUGHLY followed our path". You do have tools. Call somebody (pick me pick me pick me!) instead of picking up that first drink. READ the big book (I find it helpful sometimes to take notes actually) Try to connect to your HP (I say the serenity prayer about 3999 times a day ), and reach out to others who are sufferring. Honestly these things work. They're proven. I'm here for you - hijack me anytime - I love you! hugs, m

Faith brought me along way, believe me I do not know how I made it through 2 years of what I put myself through. A year and 1/2 ago I had absolutely nothing, not even a penny to my name. With lots of prayers and prayers of family and friends, I managed to gain strength. Today, I have my own business, one that I would not ever imagined that would bring me an income that I have never seen in a year. Needless to say, I am able to have this surgery paying cash. God has been very good to me. I too, had a daughter who tried to kill herself, and nearly succeeded if not I had found her in time and revived her. Even with that, we were not certain she would make it, if she had, the possibility of her being a vegetable was very great. She was 12 years old at the time and took all the clariton that was prescription. After her recovery and she was back home, we found that she was manic depressive. Major life changing events triggered it. I had no idea. Although she always showed symptoms of it, when doc's said it was only ADHD. I beat myself up with this for many years. I became over protective, and this was the worst I could do for her and myself. She is now 19 and when she wanted to move out, you can imagine what I was thinking...Oh no! But again, I turned to faith to give me strength to let her live her life. It was difficult at first and still is, yet I try very much not to interfer with her decisions. Needless to say, this tore me up for 7 years, watching and monitoring her every emotion and move. I did all the usual things of addictions to keep my emotions at bay and pain I felt for what she had did. Somehow I thought this was ok, if she never saw it. Well, she knew, i was just believing she didn't. When this realization came to me that I was basically distroying myself and she was very aware of it, I had to stop. When I took control of my life again, it boosted my daughter and gave her self confidence without knowing I was doing it. I know what it feels to have a child that has attempted to end their life. I know the inner tormet of guilt, and feeling of not knowing how to approach this delicate matter. I know about addictions, as it has taken over me. Each person is different indeed, every situation is slightly different, not all scenerios are the same, but friend, if you choose to have another supporter at your side I am willing to help in any way I can. You are never alone, even when it appears that there is not a soul in sight. If you like, you may email me anytime you choose, here at this website, I am just a click away. Wishing you the best of luck and many prayers are sent up on your behalf. You will soon see the amazing strength you have. Supporters may be there for your falls, but it is truly you that overcomes everything, your inner strength. You can truly do this, believe me you can. I am a prime example of failure and triump over addiction. So, never hestitate to send me an email. Remember this about your son, he needs you and this is true, but you need you too. Try very much not to lay a guilt trip on yourself. You are trying very much to correct what errors you have. Give yourself lots of love, care and rest. May you be blessed with love and friendship throughout your life. Marie

Dana, You are so worth sobriety. You are newly married? What better reason than to work your program so that your marriage gets off to a great start. I echo Michelle, get thee to a meeting. Your strength in the program is only good for one day. One day at a time. Each day we must do what we need to for that day's strength. The Lord's Prayer says "Give us this day our DAILY bread." You have to get to meetings, make your phone calls, reach out for support on a daily basis to have your strength. E-mail me and I will send you my phone number if you would like to call me. Hugs, Trish

No kidding whoa. That is a hell of a lot to deal with at this stage of sobriety. But in a way you are really lucky because you have the support of your group you can be totally honest with and that will walk you through it. How many other groups afford you this luxury? I admire you for your courage. And I'm glad you made it through it. I know how hard it must have been. When we drink, we isolate. For you to have reached out is real progress. Vicki

Sorry its taken me so long to get back to you, life on life's terms have been insane in my household as well. I just wanted to say I'm so proud of you, you've come so far and so fast. You are an inspiration to us all. To go through something like this so early and get through is amazing. Please keep us informed of what's happening and I pray that your son gets the help he needs. Al-anon was a great choice!!! Your sobriety does have to come first, without it, you can't have anything else. Hope you had a good weekend, Amber