Sex :'(

Hi, I had my wls about 4 months ago. So far I have lost almost 40lbs, which I phsyced about. Then the problem started. I really have been craving and obessing about sex. I started looking on line, sex chat, phone, and then stranger for sex. That started this week. It is so not like me and I am so ashamed. I can't tell anyone. I mean I am a Christian who doesn't even believe in sex before marraige. Now just in a week I met with 3 men. The only good thing is that I realized there are men who like full figured women, which made me feel better, but beyond that it is awful. Has anyone else had this problem. What did you do. (yes, I have no husband or boyfriend). Help someone...this probably the worst thing I have ever done. Ashamed.

Dear K-Y: It is so easy to switch addictions and try to fill the emptiness of the the need for love that we think we need. I would recommend that you get into some serious accountability. I had a friend who went through a similar cycle and it really cost him later. There is a positive side of shame which is we know when we are hurting ourselves and grieving the heart of Christ! The bad side of shame is allowing the guilt to drive us into isolation. I will be praying for you and rememeber that you are the Lord's daughter and any man who is going to love you will love you as a person not an object. Please read Ephesians 2:10 and remember that the word for masterpiece in that verse literally means you are like a poem that has never been written. Your firend on the journey, Al Soto

Dear KY, There are many ways to abuse ourselves and as the previous poster noted it is easy to substitute one behavior for another. Fortunately you realize this and can seek help before you do serious damage to yourself. Seek help. In addition to the emotional damage you are doing to yourself you put yourself in physical harms way by meeting with these men. Hugs, Laurie

Yep, addiction transfer....been there. I didnt drink post op.....Seek outside help but just know you are not alone. That was my worst thing to overcome, the thinking that I was a total loser because this happened to me....thought I was the only one. Once I did research and found out I wasnt alone I felt better and got better, if that makes sense. Good luck. Lori

I can relate to what you have shared. I am a Christian who believes that sex is reserved for marriage, but after my divorce I acted out with a stranger, just to prove to myself that I was attractive. My therapist explained that a lot of sexual abuse victims will act that way. Were you abused sexually when you were younger? Just a thought. I could not have made it this far in my life without the help of therapy. Have you tried therapy for your addictive behaviors? I strongly suggest it. Hugs, Trish

KY, I feel you are going down a normal path, at this point. Many of us have spent a life time feeling like the ugly duckly, watching our "thin" friends walk away with the man, you know what I mean. I don't really think you are a sex addict at this point. You are a human with desire, who just reached a point, due to your weight loss, to venture out and look for acceptance and possible love. That said, you are going about it in the wrong way. . . . by you're owe admitted standands, "I mean I am a Christian who doesn't even believe in sex before marraige. Now just in a week I met with 3 men." Take a long look and how good you are feeling about yourself , and find THE RIGHT ONE to spend time with outside of pure sexual activity. Most of us have been there, don't beat yourself up, just make better decision tomorrow. Peace, Eleisha