Amazing paradigm shift

Now this is going to sound vain, but so be it. My vacation has really changed the way I see myself. I had no idea I could live life as a beautiful, sober woman. I am so used to be dogged by hubby and called a drunk, that I forgot who I was. I mean, I knew when I went out in the world, people liked me and considered me fairly intelligent. But when you get the daily drip, drip, drip of disrespect, it's hard to believe it. I don't have to live with the mantle of guilt that comes with being fat and an alcoholic. Someone asked how to get over guilt. Same with building true self-esteem. I think it just takes time and doing the next right thing. I don't mean to trash hubby. I had more than my fair share of the blame for where we are; probably most of it in fact (which also didn't help my self-esteem). Onward ho. I'm feeling blue today...probably because I have to go back home now and pay the piper. I have absolutely no illusion of knowing what is going to transpire upon my return. I try to remind myself that where there is fear, there is no faith. Where there is faith, there is no fear. Easier said than done, huh? Vicki

When I was married, my self-esteem was constantly torn down by negative remarks made by my ex. He was not good at building me up, but really good at tearing me down. His departure was the ultimate slap in the face. I couldn't even hold onto my husband after 25 years. That's when my relapse in drinking really took off. What drove me back to AA, and off the bottle was the thought that my kids would someday stand at my grave and think "What a waste." While my ex said to them,"I told you she was nuts." I was not only motivated to get sober, but I went back to grad school and pursued my dream career. Now, they respect me and look up to me and see me as a role model of someone who not only survives adversity, but thrives. That has been my motivation. I want people to talk about me when I am gone as a survivor who thrived when it was the hardest. Hope this makes sense. Hugs, Trish