Fake it Until you make it (an Update)

OK - I've not posted much lately. Bear with my usual rambling.. I've been using the time since my layoff to immerse myself into some "self therapy" by reading books written by Dr Laura, Phil McGraw and even Judy Schiendlin (etc). The dui, the layoff, the problems with my son... all just contributed to the obvious esteem problems I had that once manifested themselves via food. I've come to the conclusion that the inner me doesn't believe I deserve good things in life, so she puts me in situations to sabotage myself. Well - our pastor said something profound in a sermon a couple of weeks ago and that was that we should surround ourselves with people whom we aspire to imitate... people we respect and consider good role models. The premise is that by making that circle our social "norm", we rise to be our better selves. So I've really been looking deep inside and trying to NOT nap all day or give in to my depression. Step one has been to get up and dress nicely and do makeup each day. Step two has been to focus more on the kids and less on me - going to lunch with them at school, etc. Today I had an interview (one of two today) for a job I really wanted to get. I'd already called and rescheduled it once because i was AFRAID. I didn't think they'd want me. Well I got my guts up, put on my best outfit, did my hair and nails and went to the interview scared out of my mind. I said to myself 1000 times that I'm worthy of such a job, that I'm skilled, that I'm capable, that I'm smart, and talented. I just repeated it like a mantra and vowed to walk in there with the idea that of COURSE they would want me. Well it obviously worked - because after a 2 1/2 hour interview, they offerred me the job on the spot! It even pays more than the one that laid me off! It has great benefits (medical, dental, vision, 2 weeks vacation etc) and is very close to home - no more 90 minute commutes thru Atlanta. It's as if all the planets aligned and gave me this opportunity. My point? It's true that if we don't FEEL the esteem, what we CAN do is make the choices that somebody we think DOES have esteem would make. I kind of try and pretend I'm somebody else when making choices. So-n-so would never do THIS - so I won't either etc. Y'all this really works! Then when you find it works, a small part of your heart and self esteem just *BLOOMS* It's hard to explain. I ate the fear, I refused to sabotage myself and I just did my best. I've been doing really well lately. Since I got a job sooner than I thought, I'll be able to pay the dui fine off pretty soon with my banked contingency money, and put that behind me also. I was even HONEST with my new employer regarding the dui because I didn't want them to waste time getting me the security clearance if it was going to be a problem. I was told it won't. *WHEW* So - I'm still here. I'm maintaining. I've had a little slip or two, but no major ones and I'm still plugging away. I'm not perfect, but I finally think I'm pretty damn good, and I'm going to keep plugging away. I love you guys! Michelle

Excellent advice, Michelle. We must act as if we have high self-esteem and believe we are worth the effort, and worthy of good things in life. If we do, people will see the good in us and act in a positive way toward us, most of the time. Congratulations on your new job. That is awesome. Hugs, Trish

Excellent advise!! Glad to hear you are plugg'n along. How exciting about your new job. Take Care and lots of Lov'n right back atcha..! Dana

That's great! More than great! Keep going going. Nope, you're not perfect, but guess what- niether are we (that means ALL OF US). KEEP PLUGGING AWAY. Glad things are so fast-forward! Lori