Rude People

There are some obviously rude people on this forum. Maybe they don't like being called on their behavior. This is an addictions forum. If people want to have their addiction approved of, this is not the place for them to post, because I will discourage any drinking or drug behavior. In that I am a licensed social worker, and work in rehabs and a psychiatric hospital, I have some experience working with addicts and alcoholics. You may not like my style, but I will not sugar coat addiction. That is enabling behavior. I will tell the truth. If you don't want the truth, don't ask for advice here. As for rudeness, keep it and don't show it here. There is no reason for people to tell others to "Screw ...anyone" That is immature and uncalled for. It shows someone in need of working a program of recovery. Sincerely, Patricia Anne Reilly

Person, not persons. Don't know you, but I love you in the sense that you give me so much more than I give you. To battle addiction and be newly post-op is not so easy. You can't go to AA and talk about wls, and visa versa. This is the plece for you. We will hold your hand and walk you through this. I know it hurts, especially when you are your most vulnerable. Big hugs, Vicki

Thanks, I should not have pluralized the word person to people. I am so sorry to have done that. I am newly post-op and dealing with the all liquid diet and the pain and the pain killers, which I do not want to abuse, or take for that matter. I am constantly questioning my pain. Am I really in pain, or am I imagining it? I had open RNY on Monday. Should I be done with the pain meds or not? I just know I don't have to drink again, and I am not abusing the meds. I would rather suffer in pain right now than abuse the meds. I hope this makes sense. Hugs, Trish

Hi Trish, I understand what you are going thru as well as your response. You know you are valued here. That said I also want Grace to know I am aware she has been struggling for sometime and I saw earlier posts on other forums in the past. We can offer support if she wants it. Hope you are healing well! Hugs, Laurie

Laurie, Thank you for your understanding. Problem is, I do not see my post as lacking support. I felt that giving Grace a "poor baby it will be all better," was not as helpful as challenging her distorted thinking that alcohol was a friend. Alcohol has deadly consequences, as well as costly ones. Someone here recently had to go to court for a DUI. Others, like me, have lost marriages because of addiction/alcoholism. So, I felt my reply was supportive of her recovery. Ms. Jay rudely disagreed with me. Helping someone in their active addiction is like watching a drowning person and throwing them the lifeline and watching them swim past it sometimes. I can't put the person's hand on the lifeline, they must choose to do that on their own. I hope this makes sense. Hugs, Trish

i totally agree with why you responded the way you did, but i do not think grace was asking for appproval to drink by any means .......she was asking for help. with recovery people choose to do it their own ways. i do not go to meetings so does that mean i am not in recovery. i do not follow the steps. so where am i ?? i agree, we cannot sugar coat it and you did awesome. we have all been in her shoes before. i am sure having been there that if someone responded like that to us we would have felt like noone was there for us. she is not recovered yet. in fact, none of us are. we battle everyday. i could not imagine being where she is right now. we are here for support and i hope we can all give her what she needs, or like you said, it could be deadly. so please grace, keep coming back.

Being in recovery, according to my understanding of recovery, means that we are doing something different than we used to do so that we do not drink or drug. It could be using your faith, or being active in an exercise program, or doing meditation and yoga. Whatever works for you to help you change the person you are so that you are not tempted to drink or drug. Not being in recovery means that you are doing the same old things you used to do, and expect to be able to stop drinking or drugging. For me, my program of recovery is not exclusively AA. My program includes my faith, journaling, daily exercise, positive self-talk, and attendance at meetings where I work the 12 steps. The meetings gives me social support and people I can call for help when the going gets rough. It breaks the isolation that exists for most addicts/alcoholics. That is why I encourage people to go to meetings. Plus, it is at meetings that I learn from other people how to get through the rough times sober. I hope Grace does come back. Working at the hospital, I see too often people who come in having attempted suicide while high or drunk. Not pretty. I pray she is safe and is able to come back and tell us how she is doing.

my point is, she was asking for help. we all got the help we needed. i was scared to death when i was in her condition. i was on the verge of death. you have been in recovery for a long time. do you remember how you felt when you were just starting to realize you were an addict? were you scared? you made it sound like this was the wrong place for her to be posting and it isn't. there is nothing we can do as far as her making the first step towards it herself but we certainly can listen. i am glad your route to recovery works for you, for some it doesn't. it doesn't for me and i have been criticized by some people, (not here) saying that i will never make it without going to meetings. we just need to open our ears, try not to shove our ways of recovery down her throat, and just give suggestions. that is all we can do. we cannot make her feel like it is hopeless. and i am not saying any of us have but she is at a critical point in her life to where she will take everything personal and that could be harmful too. i would hate to be in her shoes right now. i feel for her. my heart goes out to her because i know what it feels like to feel like all hope is gone and nobody wants to listen to me. i think we all do. with so many years of recovery it might be easy for you to be stern and not sugar coat it, but put yourself back to point A . it wasn't easy for any of us, never will be, but it sure would have been nice to have someone who understood where we were coming from. someone who was gentle with their words and encouraged us. on here, you are not at work and you need to remember that. you are here for support.

Different people respond differently to what any one given person says. What might have reached me when in my alcoholic insanity may have floated right past someone else in the same situation. Give your support in the way you feel is appropriate. It is ultimately up to the original poster to take what gets through to them. Anything said is food for thought and in my experience the more I thought about my addiction the stronger my desire to let it go became. It took me a while... a good 2 years after I realized I had a problem. I tried to manage it for a bit. I tried to figure out that ONE thing I could change to make me go back to being "normal" in my relationship with alcohol. I became obsessed with "fixing" my problem. I fought a daily battle with my desire to be responsible to my self and my health and with my little devili inside me convincing me why it was a good idea to drink that day. My ability at self-delusion was truly unsurpassed. But the more I questioned my problem and the more that I tried, failed, picked myself back up and tried again... the stronger the desire to quit became. Everyone gets to their own point of acceptance - be it through hitting absolute rock bottom and losing everything to just having that "moment of clarity" when you finally "get it" down to your toes. I hope that Grace's "bottom" is not so deep as she can put down the shovel anytime she wants... but it is ultimately up to her. Some never stop digging until it claims their (or someone elses) life. So, I guess I'm just in support of giving someone the brand of support you feel is appropriate - without being abusive of course which wasn't the case here at all. We can control only ourself and no one else. So why worry about how someone else gives support. Grace can take it or leave it as she chooses. Ok, there's my .02 cents worth of verbal vomit. I hope everyone has a good Labor Day. The other Trish