Need to vent and say thanks for the article...

Thank you for that article you (Curious Georgette)posted on Aug 15th. I read it and it really made me think. I have been noticing my wine intake becoming more and more lately. I have always been a drinker, but right before my surgery I stopped. At least for the first 2 months. I am 3 months and 15 days post-op and I am looking at myself and I am not happy that I have started drinking again and occasionally smoking. This was not supposed to start up again. I was changing my life forever to be a healthy person. I feel like a huge failure. I am so happy with my weight loss. Everything else in my life is going great. I am going back to school, I start in a week, I am really excited about it. My husband and I are better than ever, my kids are good. So why am I sabotaging myself with this negative behavior. Every weekend I go through a large bottle of wine, and occasionally another one throughout the week (even though I promised to only drink on the weekends). And when I drink I want to smoke. ICK!! I was doing so good. I am disappointed in myself, and that sucks because I have changed so much about the way I eat and even look at food. I guess it really makes sense that we have these addictive personalities and we jump from addiction to addiction. I almost feel like I use drinking and smoking as a reward for accomplishing everything else. How stupid is that logic. Rewarding myself with things that are killing me for stopping other bad habits (ie. foods), it is really sad. I have lurked on this forum before, reading about transferring addictions and such. I am really impressed with the stories of strength and perserverance (sp). I printed the article out and I am going to hang it up in my kitchen as a reminder. I really want to stop drinking. I hate that it is a habit now. I know how quickly it could become a real problem. I want to nip it in the bud. I hope I have the strength. Anyway, thanks for posting that article and letting me rant. Jenn Welch

One of the key things my therapist and I have been discussing since I first started pursuing my surgery is self-soothing. I have always had a problem dealing with negative feelings, especially anger. So, I either ate, or drank, or cut, or shopped. Well, I first gave up the alcohol in 1990 and gained about 10 pounds a year. I relapsed with the alcohol and lost some weight. Stopped drinking in 2001, and regained some of the weight. Ever since my divorce, I rang up over $60,000 in credit card debt. My therapist's main concern is that when I cut off the food with the surgery, I will relapse with the drinking. So, I am making more AA meetings than ever, because I am deathly afraid of drinking again. In AA, I have tools to use to deal with the feelings that come up that I used to drink, eat, cut or shop over. Meditation, phone calls to recovering people, meetings, prayer, all of these things help me calm down and not drink, eat, cut or shop. The neat thing about AA is that it is free, they do pass the basket and most people throw a dollar in which helps pay for the room rent and coffee, it is almost everywhere, and the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Check it out. I will have five years without a drink on September 25th. I can't wait to pick up my 5 year coin at a meeting after my surgery next week. Hugs, Trish

Another Trish chiming in... I'm really glad that the tendency to transfer our food addiction to other things (alcohol was mine) is coming to light. I guess it is "common sense" but I had never had any issues with alcohol before my surgery. 1 1/2 years after my surgery I began having a drink now and then... liked how it made me feel and over the next 2 years it progressed swiftly into a full blown addiction. Ugh. I never ever want to go back to drinking again. It was hard to kick it out of my life and even harder to accept the feelings of guilt and self-bashing I did along the way. AA helped me tremendously along with the support of my family and wonderful husband. It will be 9 months sober on the 28th for me. Give up the booze now... please... before it is too late and you have to go through the hell that it is when giving up an alcohol addiction. YOU are worth it... soooooo worth it. Hang in there, Trish

9 months is awesome. Congratulations a few days early. I won't be able to congratulate you on Monday if I have an early surgery time. Get to a meeting and get your coin. Keep up the good work. You are doing great!!!!!! Hugs, Trish

Awww... thanks Trish! I plan on getting to a meeting on Tuesday. Monday is also my naked-birthdate and we're going to go horseback riding. Thank you for the kudos. Everyone having RnY or any form of WLS should heed the warnings of staying away from drugs of any kind (Alcohol is a drug!) Serenity, Courage & Wisdom baby, Trish

You're welcome! I'm glad it provided some value! I totally know what you mean by the self-rewarding with self-destructive things. WTF? right? Somehow rewarding myself with an hour at the gym or 10 glasses of water just doesn't cut it Self loathing and guilt are useless feelings. Just own your reality and do your best to deal with it. I've been really surprised by the way things have gone since I've made an honest effort to be honest with myself and others as well as to do something about the messes I make. Do I have remorse for my stupid actions? YES! Do I try like hell not to repeat them? YES! Will I succeed? I sure hope so! But I refuse to give up either way. I'm not sure I'll ever figure out the self-soothing thing. We all have our histories, and mine does center aroudn great abandonment as a child...but.. I'm grown now and should be in control... haha I'm ranting too - sorry! Hang in there. Love yourself enough to do the hard stuff for yourself. I'm here if you ever want to exchange emails or IM's. Love, Michelle

Jennifer, I just want to say welcome and best of wishes in your journey. I have been crazy busy and not on line as much as I like. This is a great place for me to share and touch base with others who have addictions and wls. My sponsor has had 3 sponsees with wls and she is a tiny little asian woman who never had a food issue in her life! Goes to show you how common and linked the two can be! don't be a lurker... join in! Laurie