Thank God I'm not driving the bus.

You saw what a mess I was in yesterday. I am so glad I have learned I don't have to make decisions all at once, but just need to do the next right thing. Things are working out much better than I had ever hoped for. I won't bore you with the details, just tell you we as a family, have redefined our roles and expectations with everyone having a voice in the outcome. I know we will function much better. Left to my own devices this would have never happened. I can see Rick and me fighting, the kids getting out of contro, divorce,drugs with the kids, no IB education...who know how far it would go. Now I REALLY know why people say they are a grateful alcoholic. Won't be easy, but it doesn't all have to go to hell either. I wanted to drink so bad last night I could feel it in my blood and on a cellular leve. I made myself get out of the house and go to the live theatre and get out of my head. I turned the radio up real load and sang in the car. I felt much more forgiving by the time I returned. I actually slept. Or after 4 nts, passed out is more like it. I feel like a new person. The kids have finished their chores and we are going to the movies. I never could have imagined. No fighting, no screaming, agreement... Wow. That doesn't usually happen to me. Vicki

I am so glad it is so much better for you. I know how you feel when you want to just go get the beer and to hell with it all. It is such an easy out and I would feel so much better right???? I couldn't imagine going off the wagon. All the disappointment my family would have in me. I would be disappointed too. Keep your chin up. You can do it. If you ever want to call me you have my private email and I can give you my number and we can talk. I think of you often and I am sure you struggle everyday with the urge. We all do . Take care vicki!